It's exactly 12:00 am and I'm doing laundry with a good part of an hour to kill.
It's no secret that I can't make up my mind, but I've narrowed down the field for various majors. I decided I don't want to be a librarian. Point blank: I love talking and interacting with people too much. I also cut off the idea of being a doctor/nurse. Doctor's have to donate a large chunk of time to their career and raising a family would be very difficult. I honestly can say I have no idea why not nursing. The only answer I can give on that subject is that I prayed abt it and I got a distinct "No". (Mormonism is pretty darn big on the ability for each person to receive personal revelation from God). Reader's Digest version is that I'm down to less than ten possibilities. Very impressive for me.
Some majors that I'm considering are Art History and European Studies with a minor in business. I would hope to be working at different museums. Or I was thinking Communications (emphasis unknown at this time) with a minor in business and anything else that struck my fancy. Or I could double major in English and Social Studies teaching. Political Science (continuing on to Law School) and various other ideas are still in the mixing pot also. If I had a strange urge to go into Dentistry or Physical Therapy or some other career I could easily change routes. The crazy thing is that I'm actually taking beginner courses for all these different possibilities to see if I like them. I think that if I got teach in Taiwan it would help me significantly in deciding if I'm cut out to be a teacher. I honestly loved all my English teachers. I thought they were extremely influential in shaping my character. I want to make a difference in the world and see as much of it as possible. The question is how to get there by using what talents I have...It would be a whole lot easier if I was gifted at something marketable.
I really don't feel like I'm extraordinary at anything. However, I decided it's more the combinations of my mediocre skills that make me unique. It seems to me that the more complex the world gets the more simplified it becomes-if that makes sense. I was having one of those days where you feel like your brain is going to melt away so I went to the library. Can you believe I've never read "Animal Farm"? Can you believe that my library didn't even have it??? Or "Uncle Tom's Cabin" for that matter. I did manage to get "Persuasion" by Jane Austin, "Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman, "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine (sadly I've never actually read the whole thing) a couple books on Neuroscience, one book on Albert Einstein (way cool), and a book on how language/ideas/symbols were formed. Anyway, I was reading "Common Sense" and I was having difficulty understanding it!!! What the heck?! It's suppose to be common sense! It's beyond pathetic to think that the average person/soldier could understand his ideas and language. I realized how literature has fallen and so has the range of our vocabulary. Literature that isn't easy or quick to read is thrown to the side. Nobody wants to take the time to figure out what your saying. It just wouldn't sell. It was an epiphany I thought. I mean think abt it. We have pictures for instructions. How more simplified can we get?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A Beautiful Thing
When you sit down and just listen to the silence, what happens to your face? I smile. I can honestly say, I'm happy. I use to say to myself I would be happy when I got to a certain point in my life. But why can't I enjoy the journey? I don't think I've ever been more excited for life!
My brother/sister-in-law and their kids are living with us for awhile. They have been living in Taiwan (my sister-in-law is 100%) and needed to come back to the states so my nephew could receive some surgery for his eyes. Anyway, she's basically partners of a cram school. What this boils down to is that I could easily be teaching English next summer in Taiwan and earning $22 an hr ($35 for field trips). Hours would be somewhere around twenty to thirty hours a week. AWESOME. It would be stressful (to say the least), but what an experience! I've already been to Taiwan and taught for a day, and I loved it so much. I can't describe how much I love other cultures and just learning abt the world and people. It's a very realistic possibility. The other possibility is that I could do various commercials. I might sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm completely serious. My nephew has made $4,000, my brother has been in multiple commercials (mostly because he's white). and my niece has her own magazine cover. They have agents. No joke. Because I have no "experience" (I actually went to a performing arts high school for acting) they would pay me $25 an hr. It would be so much fun and living expenses are so darn cheep there its insane.
I also decided I want to do a study abroad in Europe. It's the only chance I will have to do something of the sort. I came REALLY close to taking off Fall semester to save money to go in the spring. The program I wanted focused on Art History (a major that I'm seriously considering) and would travel to ALL the countries I want to see. It seemed absolutely perfect, but I decided to wait until after my junior year so that I could save more and figure out what I'm really going to major in so that the study abroad will directly apply.
I also decided that I want to do the Peace Corp. I have no idea when I'm going to do this. Not sure how that's going to fit in, but I've been feeling really strongly abt it. I want to help people and it seems like a great program do be apart of. I know it doesn't pay, but what better time to do it then when I'm single and have little responsibility except for my well-being? I think that if I were to teach English in Taiwan, it would help my chances of being accepted.
Another realization I've made is how useful internships are. I feel as though I should do something similar since it gives great experience and a taste of what your going to be a part of. It seems like an extremely smart career move for a young person. Again, when the heck am I going to fit in this along with all my other brilliant schemes is beyond me. I'm thinking I might have to take off some school eventually. Don't worry. There's no chance that I won't go back to college. That will only happen if I die. I consider myself to be highly motivated to succeed. Success consists partially of gaining a higher understanding; I'm using education as a major stepping stone towards that goal.
After having these various ideas bouncing in the back of my brain, I have also yet decided on a major. I literally copied and pasted the list of majors that BYU offers and put them on a Word Document. From there I started deleting the areas I didn't want. The only issue is, is that I love to learn! I look at a major and think, "Oh! That sounds so interesting!" It took me no less than a half an hour to realize I really didn't want to major in Physics Astronomy. What I tend to disregard is the fact their are no jobs that are open to a European Studies graduate and the like. I narrowed the list down from 130 some to 22. The goal is to be down to ten by the time I start classes in the fall and have picked one by the end of Christmas break. The ridiculous thing is I was thinking of going into Librarian Science, but that option isn't even available at BYU! Go figure.
One possibility is going into some sort of Business. I talked to a Business man the other day who was trying to convince me to start selling a cell phone. He was so disgusting in that he was so good at what he did. He was trying to figure out my personality. He starts off by asking me if I'm an entrepreneur after we were chit chatting for a bit in attempt to flatter me. The truly obnoxious thing is if I was to sell the product that is "new technology" that he claimed "no other company had" (obviously, they will have it in a few months tops) I would have to pay a few thousand dollars than would take me more than a year to make up if I was GOOD at selling. I then asked him how long he had been selling the product that he so believed in. THREE WEEKS. Before, he was in rel estate. That was something that interested me and I asked how he got started in it. He mentioned that it was a doing great and later contradicted himself by saying nobody was looking for homes. What tipped the iceberg was he used my religion against me. Wrong move. VERY wrong move. He used a parable from the Bible that Jesus taught to his disciples abt sewing the seeds to try and convince me to sell his product. How desperate could he have possibly been? Since, if I did do it, he would of course be making money off of every sale I made. Ridiculous.
I'm not sure if I could be a salesperson. I'm not pushy enough and I wouldn't be able to believe in the product. Why would I try to convince a person that they needed a certain item, when I knew they didn't? I think an issue that I have is that I consider myself to be very frugal and so are my parents (well, to an extent). What I don't realize is people are often willing to spend a lot more on the latest fashion/technology than I consider to be reasonable.
A slight change in topic I was talking to Ben a couple days ago for more than five hours. We didn't do anything we just sat a talked which was nice. We have the strangest history in the world. I should hate him by now, but in all our various disagreements/run-ins it's always due to our lack of maturity and quick tempers. But, we've both matured a great deal and both admitted that we have a great respect for the other. I don't know why, but we can't not be friends. I think what's going on is that we both know each other so well and get along in person so well that we can't hate each other. What's slightly fascinating is that I feel like understanding is directly linked to love. Even though we've done various acts of immaturity I can honestly say I want to see him happy. I have more reason to dislike him more than any other person in the world, but I don't. It's twisted. I've disliked others for less, but oh well.
Anyway, we were talking abt religion. Ben was baptised into the church and is technically still a Mormon and I believe he still knows it to be true kind of thing, but doesn't want to admit it. What it comes down to is (in his own words) he "just doesn't care". Ben's way of thinking is that people outside the church are perfectly fine. He thinks he's perfectly fine. He's proud that he's tried various drugs and done various other things that doesn't coincide with our beliefs. He hasn't been burned yet so why stop playing with fire? I was smiling the whole time he was ranting. I couldn't help it. I felt sympathetic which is odd. I never am sympathetic, but I was then. Ben says he's fine. He's not. He suffered from health issues and is more than $10,000 in debt, his credit is shot to hell, has no job, living with his parents, signs of depression, and has no motivation. He feels as though before he got started, he got screwed over by finances. Basically, he has no hope. What is life without hope? Why would you want to live without hope? I think those are two questions he struggles to answer.
But let's pretend he is fine. People outside the gospel of Jesus Christ are fine. But why be fine when you can be Great? Always strive for something better. To me improvement and growth are so important! I can't understand people who aren't aiming for those goals constantly. I'm not saying that the gospel makes me better than others. I'm saying that the gospel makes me a better me and does the same for others if they truly apply it to their lives. I know that. I love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It makes so much sense to me! I've learned abt other faiths and this one just is so complete. It all ties in. If you have questions your allowed to search out the answer. We can gain personal revelation through prayer and the power of the Holy Ghost. Prophets still live! God hasn't stopped talking. The Church follows the pattern given in the Bible. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ! This religion is the only one that I know of that can answer, "Where did I come from?", "Why am I here?", and "Where am I going?". How many people can answer those questions with assurance, let alone a teenager? It's a beautiful thing because I can.
My brother/sister-in-law and their kids are living with us for awhile. They have been living in Taiwan (my sister-in-law is 100%) and needed to come back to the states so my nephew could receive some surgery for his eyes. Anyway, she's basically partners of a cram school. What this boils down to is that I could easily be teaching English next summer in Taiwan and earning $22 an hr ($35 for field trips). Hours would be somewhere around twenty to thirty hours a week. AWESOME. It would be stressful (to say the least), but what an experience! I've already been to Taiwan and taught for a day, and I loved it so much. I can't describe how much I love other cultures and just learning abt the world and people. It's a very realistic possibility. The other possibility is that I could do various commercials. I might sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm completely serious. My nephew has made $4,000, my brother has been in multiple commercials (mostly because he's white). and my niece has her own magazine cover. They have agents. No joke. Because I have no "experience" (I actually went to a performing arts high school for acting) they would pay me $25 an hr. It would be so much fun and living expenses are so darn cheep there its insane.
I also decided I want to do a study abroad in Europe. It's the only chance I will have to do something of the sort. I came REALLY close to taking off Fall semester to save money to go in the spring. The program I wanted focused on Art History (a major that I'm seriously considering) and would travel to ALL the countries I want to see. It seemed absolutely perfect, but I decided to wait until after my junior year so that I could save more and figure out what I'm really going to major in so that the study abroad will directly apply.
I also decided that I want to do the Peace Corp. I have no idea when I'm going to do this. Not sure how that's going to fit in, but I've been feeling really strongly abt it. I want to help people and it seems like a great program do be apart of. I know it doesn't pay, but what better time to do it then when I'm single and have little responsibility except for my well-being? I think that if I were to teach English in Taiwan, it would help my chances of being accepted.
Another realization I've made is how useful internships are. I feel as though I should do something similar since it gives great experience and a taste of what your going to be a part of. It seems like an extremely smart career move for a young person. Again, when the heck am I going to fit in this along with all my other brilliant schemes is beyond me. I'm thinking I might have to take off some school eventually. Don't worry. There's no chance that I won't go back to college. That will only happen if I die. I consider myself to be highly motivated to succeed. Success consists partially of gaining a higher understanding; I'm using education as a major stepping stone towards that goal.
After having these various ideas bouncing in the back of my brain, I have also yet decided on a major. I literally copied and pasted the list of majors that BYU offers and put them on a Word Document. From there I started deleting the areas I didn't want. The only issue is, is that I love to learn! I look at a major and think, "Oh! That sounds so interesting!" It took me no less than a half an hour to realize I really didn't want to major in Physics Astronomy. What I tend to disregard is the fact their are no jobs that are open to a European Studies graduate and the like. I narrowed the list down from 130 some to 22. The goal is to be down to ten by the time I start classes in the fall and have picked one by the end of Christmas break. The ridiculous thing is I was thinking of going into Librarian Science, but that option isn't even available at BYU! Go figure.
One possibility is going into some sort of Business. I talked to a Business man the other day who was trying to convince me to start selling a cell phone. He was so disgusting in that he was so good at what he did. He was trying to figure out my personality. He starts off by asking me if I'm an entrepreneur after we were chit chatting for a bit in attempt to flatter me. The truly obnoxious thing is if I was to sell the product that is "new technology" that he claimed "no other company had" (obviously, they will have it in a few months tops) I would have to pay a few thousand dollars than would take me more than a year to make up if I was GOOD at selling. I then asked him how long he had been selling the product that he so believed in. THREE WEEKS. Before, he was in rel estate. That was something that interested me and I asked how he got started in it. He mentioned that it was a doing great and later contradicted himself by saying nobody was looking for homes. What tipped the iceberg was he used my religion against me. Wrong move. VERY wrong move. He used a parable from the Bible that Jesus taught to his disciples abt sewing the seeds to try and convince me to sell his product. How desperate could he have possibly been? Since, if I did do it, he would of course be making money off of every sale I made. Ridiculous.
I'm not sure if I could be a salesperson. I'm not pushy enough and I wouldn't be able to believe in the product. Why would I try to convince a person that they needed a certain item, when I knew they didn't? I think an issue that I have is that I consider myself to be very frugal and so are my parents (well, to an extent). What I don't realize is people are often willing to spend a lot more on the latest fashion/technology than I consider to be reasonable.
A slight change in topic I was talking to Ben a couple days ago for more than five hours. We didn't do anything we just sat a talked which was nice. We have the strangest history in the world. I should hate him by now, but in all our various disagreements/run-ins it's always due to our lack of maturity and quick tempers. But, we've both matured a great deal and both admitted that we have a great respect for the other. I don't know why, but we can't not be friends. I think what's going on is that we both know each other so well and get along in person so well that we can't hate each other. What's slightly fascinating is that I feel like understanding is directly linked to love. Even though we've done various acts of immaturity I can honestly say I want to see him happy. I have more reason to dislike him more than any other person in the world, but I don't. It's twisted. I've disliked others for less, but oh well.
Anyway, we were talking abt religion. Ben was baptised into the church and is technically still a Mormon and I believe he still knows it to be true kind of thing, but doesn't want to admit it. What it comes down to is (in his own words) he "just doesn't care". Ben's way of thinking is that people outside the church are perfectly fine. He thinks he's perfectly fine. He's proud that he's tried various drugs and done various other things that doesn't coincide with our beliefs. He hasn't been burned yet so why stop playing with fire? I was smiling the whole time he was ranting. I couldn't help it. I felt sympathetic which is odd. I never am sympathetic, but I was then. Ben says he's fine. He's not. He suffered from health issues and is more than $10,000 in debt, his credit is shot to hell, has no job, living with his parents, signs of depression, and has no motivation. He feels as though before he got started, he got screwed over by finances. Basically, he has no hope. What is life without hope? Why would you want to live without hope? I think those are two questions he struggles to answer.
But let's pretend he is fine. People outside the gospel of Jesus Christ are fine. But why be fine when you can be Great? Always strive for something better. To me improvement and growth are so important! I can't understand people who aren't aiming for those goals constantly. I'm not saying that the gospel makes me better than others. I'm saying that the gospel makes me a better me and does the same for others if they truly apply it to their lives. I know that. I love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It makes so much sense to me! I've learned abt other faiths and this one just is so complete. It all ties in. If you have questions your allowed to search out the answer. We can gain personal revelation through prayer and the power of the Holy Ghost. Prophets still live! God hasn't stopped talking. The Church follows the pattern given in the Bible. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ! This religion is the only one that I know of that can answer, "Where did I come from?", "Why am I here?", and "Where am I going?". How many people can answer those questions with assurance, let alone a teenager? It's a beautiful thing because I can.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
A Tendency to Disagree
I've been having conversations with various friends where I wasn't allowed to state my whole opinion due to bias opinions and an unwillingness to listen. I'm not saying that I am bias free, but I feel as though I let other people say what they believe. I've had many instances where I've been discriminated against for my beliefs and I swore I would never do the same. I might disagree, but I believe in the freedom of speech.
Anyway, I was talking to Anthony (one of the Mr. Wrongs) and he has an extremely low opinion of the human race. He said that only 30% of the working age (16-65) population in the United States could take care of themselves. That's rich considering he's 24 and living with his parents. Yet, he classifies himself in the 30%. I asked him what gave him the right to make that sort of claim. His reply was he met lots of people while traveling. I beg to differ. He met lots of people at bars and clubs which does not give a decent representation. I even asked where he's been. The only places he could list where Utah, New York, Connecticut, and the surrounding areas.
It annoyed me tremendously. He thought himself to be better and he said so! I might be proud of the knowledge that I've gained, but I'm not going to say I'm smarter than 70% of the population. Everybody has different experiences that they learn from. They all have something to contribute and are just as capable of taking care of themselves. Various people might be stronger in certain areas, but I feel that has to do with circumstance and the willingness to work. (I can't stand people who give up or don't pursue what they want. Not having motivation is incomprehensible to me.) What he was proposing sounded like we were suppose to get rid of the 70%.
Another award-winning theory given by Anthony is that if somebody treats him poorly he wont be friends with them anymore. Give me a break. I'm a HUGE believer in I'll give you as many chances as you need or are willing to take. To me a sincere apology is all that is necessary. It takes way too much energy to hold a grudge. That, and I can't do it. I've tried. He's the most bitter person I have ever met. Why let yourself be hindered by self pity?
Anyway, I was talking to Anthony (one of the Mr. Wrongs) and he has an extremely low opinion of the human race. He said that only 30% of the working age (16-65) population in the United States could take care of themselves. That's rich considering he's 24 and living with his parents. Yet, he classifies himself in the 30%. I asked him what gave him the right to make that sort of claim. His reply was he met lots of people while traveling. I beg to differ. He met lots of people at bars and clubs which does not give a decent representation. I even asked where he's been. The only places he could list where Utah, New York, Connecticut, and the surrounding areas.
It annoyed me tremendously. He thought himself to be better and he said so! I might be proud of the knowledge that I've gained, but I'm not going to say I'm smarter than 70% of the population. Everybody has different experiences that they learn from. They all have something to contribute and are just as capable of taking care of themselves. Various people might be stronger in certain areas, but I feel that has to do with circumstance and the willingness to work. (I can't stand people who give up or don't pursue what they want. Not having motivation is incomprehensible to me.) What he was proposing sounded like we were suppose to get rid of the 70%.
Another award-winning theory given by Anthony is that if somebody treats him poorly he wont be friends with them anymore. Give me a break. I'm a HUGE believer in I'll give you as many chances as you need or are willing to take. To me a sincere apology is all that is necessary. It takes way too much energy to hold a grudge. That, and I can't do it. I've tried. He's the most bitter person I have ever met. Why let yourself be hindered by self pity?
Monday, July 13, 2009
A Penny For My Thoughts
If you hadn't noticed by know my mind works similarly to lists. I exhaust a subject than move on. I feel like it takes too long to explain how these thoughts interact as a whole or how one thought leaps to another. I once heard a wise comedian compare spaghetti to a girl's mind and a waffle to a boy's mind. One thought from a girl leads to a completely different thought much like the ends of spaghetti. If a boy thinks something it stays in that general square much like syrup cupped in a waffle. I thought it was genius personally...Anyway, my thoughts in no particular order.
1.) Is it true that life is wasted on the youth? I realize I have become in the habit of waiting for a particular event to be happy. I have the greatest ability to procrastinate. But when I do days pass by, then weeks, then months. If I did everything today that I'm going to do tomorrow I think I would be getting somewhere a lot quicker. Why not enjoy the moment and work towards something than spending all that time and effort worrying abt it? That might be common sense, but it didn't really sink in till recently.
2.) That thought led to this next one. I make decisions similarly to the scientific method. It seems as if I have to make my own mistakes and gather my own data in order to make a decision. This doesn't mean I try drugs or do stupid stunts by any stretch of the imagination. As long as it's proven to me that certain things don't work or are harmful, I won't try them.
3.) I quite literally copied and pasted the list of majors that my university offers onto a Word document and started deleting the ones that didn't interest me. I was talking to a friend and expressing my fear of not being smart enough for some possibilities. Her response was just what I needed to hear. I KNOW that I'm smart enough. All I need is passion and to work hard enough. Cliche, but true. My first priority while going through my freshman year was not to my studies, but to my fun-loving self. Upon making this realization, I then lost my fear of every major which has it's own pros and cons. I debated for a half an hour if I wanted to become a civil engineer. Previously, I would have deleted it in less than fifteen seconds. It's amazing how much information is at my finger tips! The problem is I love learning, I honestly do. What I need to decide is what I want to study in depth and what to take up as a hobby. Sure, I would be interested in studying anthropology, but would I want to study that my whole life? Maybe not. So, what that leads me to is Art History, English, Communications, Political Science (followed by Law School), Biz (Marketing/Advertising), or Bio (followed by Med School). Obviously, I have some narrowing down to do yet. I think I still have 83 choices on my list of majors. Not kidding.
4.) I want to do a study abroad in England, but financially it would be difficult to make a reality. I love traveling and understanding different cultures and how people live. It takes me out of my every day life and makes me realize I'm not the center of the universe. There is a whole world out there! The thought conveys pointlessness in every day occurrences. Have you ever noticed how independence is so stressed in this country? I think it speeds the way into adulthood for better or for worse.
5.) My grandpa is close to dying and I already lost one set of grandparents. This grandpa fought in WWII and was right there invading Germany. But now he sits in his chair unable to hear or stand or even walk to the bathroom without significant struggle. My mom has taken him to see the doctor five different times until they figured out why he was sick and in so much pain. Now they told my grandma to pick up the medicine he needs four days from now after using certain machinery for six weeks. My dad used it once for only five days after he had surgery and only could stand the pain for five days. He yanked it out himself.
How is it that a man that sacrificed his life for his country now has nobody to care for him except his wife of 65 years and his son and daughter-in-law/posterity? Why, may I ask, is it that it took so long to figure out what was wrong with him? Why is it that when upon realizing the situation the medicine can't be gotten sooner? Have doctors been neglecting their duty? Or is their duty to their patients changed? Have we been getting less assistance than the cost of the doctor's visit was worth? Or are their too many sick and not enough doctor's? Who is to defend the rights of the elderly? Who is there to assist the elderly with no family? Is it the state's responsibility? Or should the elderly be left to their own devices? What abt the handicapped? We have the freedom of speech, but what happens when individuals are unable to speak for themselves and call attention to their situation? Some questions I can answer, but other's I will have to keep on thinking abt. It is sad to think that when a person has spent years in service and been willing to sacrifice their lives in order to protect other's unalienable rights they are so treated and forgotten. I'm not saying by any stretch of the imagination that my grandpa should be given anything more than any other soldier or person that has dedicated their lives to helping others. I think more consideration should be available.
6.) Maybe I'll work at a Nursing Home.
1.) Is it true that life is wasted on the youth? I realize I have become in the habit of waiting for a particular event to be happy. I have the greatest ability to procrastinate. But when I do days pass by, then weeks, then months. If I did everything today that I'm going to do tomorrow I think I would be getting somewhere a lot quicker. Why not enjoy the moment and work towards something than spending all that time and effort worrying abt it? That might be common sense, but it didn't really sink in till recently.
2.) That thought led to this next one. I make decisions similarly to the scientific method. It seems as if I have to make my own mistakes and gather my own data in order to make a decision. This doesn't mean I try drugs or do stupid stunts by any stretch of the imagination. As long as it's proven to me that certain things don't work or are harmful, I won't try them.
3.) I quite literally copied and pasted the list of majors that my university offers onto a Word document and started deleting the ones that didn't interest me. I was talking to a friend and expressing my fear of not being smart enough for some possibilities. Her response was just what I needed to hear. I KNOW that I'm smart enough. All I need is passion and to work hard enough. Cliche, but true. My first priority while going through my freshman year was not to my studies, but to my fun-loving self. Upon making this realization, I then lost my fear of every major which has it's own pros and cons. I debated for a half an hour if I wanted to become a civil engineer. Previously, I would have deleted it in less than fifteen seconds. It's amazing how much information is at my finger tips! The problem is I love learning, I honestly do. What I need to decide is what I want to study in depth and what to take up as a hobby. Sure, I would be interested in studying anthropology, but would I want to study that my whole life? Maybe not. So, what that leads me to is Art History, English, Communications, Political Science (followed by Law School), Biz (Marketing/Advertising), or Bio (followed by Med School). Obviously, I have some narrowing down to do yet. I think I still have 83 choices on my list of majors. Not kidding.
4.) I want to do a study abroad in England, but financially it would be difficult to make a reality. I love traveling and understanding different cultures and how people live. It takes me out of my every day life and makes me realize I'm not the center of the universe. There is a whole world out there! The thought conveys pointlessness in every day occurrences. Have you ever noticed how independence is so stressed in this country? I think it speeds the way into adulthood for better or for worse.
5.) My grandpa is close to dying and I already lost one set of grandparents. This grandpa fought in WWII and was right there invading Germany. But now he sits in his chair unable to hear or stand or even walk to the bathroom without significant struggle. My mom has taken him to see the doctor five different times until they figured out why he was sick and in so much pain. Now they told my grandma to pick up the medicine he needs four days from now after using certain machinery for six weeks. My dad used it once for only five days after he had surgery and only could stand the pain for five days. He yanked it out himself.
How is it that a man that sacrificed his life for his country now has nobody to care for him except his wife of 65 years and his son and daughter-in-law/posterity? Why, may I ask, is it that it took so long to figure out what was wrong with him? Why is it that when upon realizing the situation the medicine can't be gotten sooner? Have doctors been neglecting their duty? Or is their duty to their patients changed? Have we been getting less assistance than the cost of the doctor's visit was worth? Or are their too many sick and not enough doctor's? Who is to defend the rights of the elderly? Who is there to assist the elderly with no family? Is it the state's responsibility? Or should the elderly be left to their own devices? What abt the handicapped? We have the freedom of speech, but what happens when individuals are unable to speak for themselves and call attention to their situation? Some questions I can answer, but other's I will have to keep on thinking abt. It is sad to think that when a person has spent years in service and been willing to sacrifice their lives in order to protect other's unalienable rights they are so treated and forgotten. I'm not saying by any stretch of the imagination that my grandpa should be given anything more than any other soldier or person that has dedicated their lives to helping others. I think more consideration should be available.
6.) Maybe I'll work at a Nursing Home.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Meet the Mr. Wrong's
I'm almost disgusted to say how much time boys take up! In all reality, I am only here in MN for two more months. Then, I will be back at BYU to start fall semester. What this means is, there is not point in having a boyfriend. This summer is only meant to be a break from responsibility (other than making money) and overwhelming stress. Point blank: I'm looking to have a fun time only. Nothing more, nothing less. What I decided is boys my age don't understand the concept of being friends. My theory is that to a guy making a friend with a girl is a pointless waste of time and energy unless their efforts reap some sort of benefit. Examples can include a)emotional support b)someone to hang out with when other friends are busy c)relationships and/or (but not all-inclusive) d)physicality. What it comes down to is guys will only be your friend if they've known you since childhood, you have family ties, or your the girlfriend's best friend. You might think I'm cynical. If so you might be right, but I actually find the whole situation somewhat humorous. Life is funny. I tend to have an very dry sense of humor.
Before, I jump into an explanation of the title I wanted to add that I went to a wedding reception recently. I was sitting down talking to a few adults when the bride announced that she was going to throw the bouquet. I kid you not: I had AT LEAST seven people turn to me in little than thirty seconds to urging me to go catch it. I wanted to say, "If you knew the guys I know, you wouldn't want me to catch that bouquet!"
Without any further adieu, meet the Mr. Wrong's in my life:
Candidate #1: Jamie
Pros: Almost graduated with only a few thousand in debt (impressive), majoring in English with a minor in History which are the EXACT subjects I love, can talk to him and tell him anything, funny
Cons: twenty five, bald and with a beard (there does have to be some attraction physically), loves sports a little too much for me, can have unpleasant humor, jealous
Activities: I got tricked into a double date and during this night we watched a movie. Jamie nonchalantly sat in the love seat while there was no other spot open (there wasn't even enough space to sit on the floor). I could see his hand inching towards mine that I then moved in order to constantly keep them busy through texting a friend. When he realized those efforts were in vain he put is arm up across the back of the chair and kept looking at me! I knew if I looked at him he would attempt to kiss me. When I didn't give him the slightest glance he began moving his arm closer. What I don't think he realized was the love seat was leather and I could hear it creeping up on me. I was beyond frantic! My friend who I was texting made a call and got me out of that sticky situation.
Later, I started to text one of his friends (Ron, who is another candidate) who I got to know. Jamie was texting him to and trying to make himself sound good through Ron. It seemed as if he was "staking out his territory" once again. I WAS LIVID. No guy dictates who I'm friends with!
Moving on to Candidate #2: Luke
Pros: ATTRACTIVE, funny, sweet, fun to be around, does these random acts of service for me, photographer, going to BYUI in the fall (closer)
Cons: LIAR, and stringing me along, known for making out with a girl two weeks before her marriage.
Activities: This relationship is messed up and needs more explaining. I have different circle of friends. One is Luke, Lucy, Jamie, and myself. Lucy happens to be married, but is going through a divorce that will be finalized the end of Aug. Jamie was interested in me and told Luke to back off. Luke turned affections to Lucy, but religion stops them both from dating publicly. So this makes a perfect situation in which Jamie can be a player. It took me awhile to realize that he was using me for a back up plan. He's pretty good at what he does and it took me awhile to fit the puzzle pieces together.
Candidate #3: Adrian
Pros: he's better than me/just a really good guy, LDS and believes in it, a cute shy, gives me my space when needed, not afraid to have a good time, really humble (if that makes sense), down to earth, can talk, going to BYU in the fall, and has a car (they're useful!)
Cons: He doesn't make me laugh as much, and his mom. This needs explaining too. Adrian is one out of four boys, being the second oldest. The third was actually my first kiss at age 15, and we still are really good friends (he's on a mission for two years) and I'm really good friends with the entire family. However, the mom wouldn't like it very much if we started dating. She's kind of protective of her boys.
Activities: We went cliff jumping with a group of people, but to get to this place we spent a total of three hours in the car together. We talked abt everything. I also went to a party that he was throwing. Awkwardly, another candidate (Anthony) invited himself along. SO, I had a guy invite me and I brought another guy...Luckily (if you can call it that), their old acquaintances, if not old friends. We do have a couple dates set up this week!
Next, Candidate #4: Anthony
Pros: tall, can make me laugh, always out looking for an adventure, can tell great stories, fun, is always there when you need him
Cons: smokes (but is trying to quit), 24, more difficult to talk to, sometimes needy and cynical, just got out of a relationship and wanting to have a rebound.
Activities: Bonfire/Perkins adventure! It was awesome and a whole lot of fun until I got these crazy cramps. They hurt so bad that I thought I was going to vomit all over the place. He drove me back home in my car while (ironically) one of my ex's drove his car. Then he kind of invited himself to Adrian's party, but I was really surprised how he handled the situation. He down played it like no other! And then we all went to the beach to swim even though the sun was completely gone. They had this amazing floating dock that was fun to tip people off of. We actually have a date this week too.
Last, and probably least, Candidate #5: Damion
Pros: attractive, WITTY, has a good stable job, great smile, easy to talk to, hilarious, loyal
Cons: I think he's a little bit shorter than me...and he's pretty close friends to the first candidate, Jamie. Therefore, I doesn't want to offend his friend by dating me.
Activities: He took me out shooting for my first time ever! We also went hiking and he took me to a beautiful waterfall. Unfortunately, we didn't have our swim suits! But we waded in the water and talked for awhile. He actually lives a good distance away and works a lot, so I don't know if anything will really happen there. But, we still manage to see each other once a week at least. (Funny story: Jamie told me that this guy brought his girl friend to a BBQ that I couldn't make it to. That confused me greatly and I looked at his Facebook page to see that he has himself down as single. I asked him abt it, and technically Jamie didn't lie. The girl was just that. A girl who happened to be a friend. The girl admitted it herself later.)
And THAT is the end of all the candidates for now. Interestingly enough, they all happen to be LDS technically, since they were all baptised. Obviously, they all believe in their faith to different degrees and their own personal struggles/strengths.
The funny thing is I don't consider myself to be flirtatious. I blog for goodness sake! What is even more humorous is that ALL these guys are going to be taking a road trip that my church is setting up. ALL of us are going to be together including Lucy and some various others. Stay tuned...
Before, I jump into an explanation of the title I wanted to add that I went to a wedding reception recently. I was sitting down talking to a few adults when the bride announced that she was going to throw the bouquet. I kid you not: I had AT LEAST seven people turn to me in little than thirty seconds to urging me to go catch it. I wanted to say, "If you knew the guys I know, you wouldn't want me to catch that bouquet!"
Without any further adieu, meet the Mr. Wrong's in my life:
Candidate #1: Jamie
Pros: Almost graduated with only a few thousand in debt (impressive), majoring in English with a minor in History which are the EXACT subjects I love, can talk to him and tell him anything, funny
Cons: twenty five, bald and with a beard (there does have to be some attraction physically), loves sports a little too much for me, can have unpleasant humor, jealous
Activities: I got tricked into a double date and during this night we watched a movie. Jamie nonchalantly sat in the love seat while there was no other spot open (there wasn't even enough space to sit on the floor). I could see his hand inching towards mine that I then moved in order to constantly keep them busy through texting a friend. When he realized those efforts were in vain he put is arm up across the back of the chair and kept looking at me! I knew if I looked at him he would attempt to kiss me. When I didn't give him the slightest glance he began moving his arm closer. What I don't think he realized was the love seat was leather and I could hear it creeping up on me. I was beyond frantic! My friend who I was texting made a call and got me out of that sticky situation.
Later, I started to text one of his friends (Ron, who is another candidate) who I got to know. Jamie was texting him to and trying to make himself sound good through Ron. It seemed as if he was "staking out his territory" once again. I WAS LIVID. No guy dictates who I'm friends with!
Moving on to Candidate #2: Luke
Pros: ATTRACTIVE, funny, sweet, fun to be around, does these random acts of service for me, photographer, going to BYUI in the fall (closer)
Cons: LIAR, and stringing me along, known for making out with a girl two weeks before her marriage.
Activities: This relationship is messed up and needs more explaining. I have different circle of friends. One is Luke, Lucy, Jamie, and myself. Lucy happens to be married, but is going through a divorce that will be finalized the end of Aug. Jamie was interested in me and told Luke to back off. Luke turned affections to Lucy, but religion stops them both from dating publicly. So this makes a perfect situation in which Jamie can be a player. It took me awhile to realize that he was using me for a back up plan. He's pretty good at what he does and it took me awhile to fit the puzzle pieces together.
Candidate #3: Adrian
Pros: he's better than me/just a really good guy, LDS and believes in it, a cute shy, gives me my space when needed, not afraid to have a good time, really humble (if that makes sense), down to earth, can talk, going to BYU in the fall, and has a car (they're useful!)
Cons: He doesn't make me laugh as much, and his mom. This needs explaining too. Adrian is one out of four boys, being the second oldest. The third was actually my first kiss at age 15, and we still are really good friends (he's on a mission for two years) and I'm really good friends with the entire family. However, the mom wouldn't like it very much if we started dating. She's kind of protective of her boys.
Activities: We went cliff jumping with a group of people, but to get to this place we spent a total of three hours in the car together. We talked abt everything. I also went to a party that he was throwing. Awkwardly, another candidate (Anthony) invited himself along. SO, I had a guy invite me and I brought another guy...Luckily (if you can call it that), their old acquaintances, if not old friends. We do have a couple dates set up this week!
Next, Candidate #4: Anthony
Pros: tall, can make me laugh, always out looking for an adventure, can tell great stories, fun, is always there when you need him
Cons: smokes (but is trying to quit), 24, more difficult to talk to, sometimes needy and cynical, just got out of a relationship and wanting to have a rebound.
Activities: Bonfire/Perkins adventure! It was awesome and a whole lot of fun until I got these crazy cramps. They hurt so bad that I thought I was going to vomit all over the place. He drove me back home in my car while (ironically) one of my ex's drove his car. Then he kind of invited himself to Adrian's party, but I was really surprised how he handled the situation. He down played it like no other! And then we all went to the beach to swim even though the sun was completely gone. They had this amazing floating dock that was fun to tip people off of. We actually have a date this week too.
Last, and probably least, Candidate #5: Damion
Pros: attractive, WITTY, has a good stable job, great smile, easy to talk to, hilarious, loyal
Cons: I think he's a little bit shorter than me...and he's pretty close friends to the first candidate, Jamie. Therefore, I doesn't want to offend his friend by dating me.
Activities: He took me out shooting for my first time ever! We also went hiking and he took me to a beautiful waterfall. Unfortunately, we didn't have our swim suits! But we waded in the water and talked for awhile. He actually lives a good distance away and works a lot, so I don't know if anything will really happen there. But, we still manage to see each other once a week at least. (Funny story: Jamie told me that this guy brought his girl friend to a BBQ that I couldn't make it to. That confused me greatly and I looked at his Facebook page to see that he has himself down as single. I asked him abt it, and technically Jamie didn't lie. The girl was just that. A girl who happened to be a friend. The girl admitted it herself later.)
And THAT is the end of all the candidates for now. Interestingly enough, they all happen to be LDS technically, since they were all baptised. Obviously, they all believe in their faith to different degrees and their own personal struggles/strengths.
The funny thing is I don't consider myself to be flirtatious. I blog for goodness sake! What is even more humorous is that ALL these guys are going to be taking a road trip that my church is setting up. ALL of us are going to be together including Lucy and some various others. Stay tuned...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A Continuation
So where we left off of was that Ben wanted to meet the guy I was dating, Jared. Of course I refused. Ironically, we were sitting on the grass between his (meaning Jared's) hall and my own. A couple days past and one of my friends came up to me, who's name was also Jared, and told me how one of my friends was being creepy. I gave him a slightly confused expression and he continued to explain how Ben added all my Jared's on Facebook as his friends asking if any of them were dating me. I was beyond anger. What continues to be ironic is my Jared didn't have a Facebook at the time anyway. I marched to my computer and instantly deleted Ben as a friend. I even texted him saying what a stalker he was being. He answered me with various choice words. One of my good friends started texting Ben for me and saying things like, "don't come near her again or else". Ben didn't seem to appreciate that much so he called up my friend and they started arguing. The funny thing is I was called different versions of a female dog and my friend finally asked what I did to Ben. Ben was unable to come up with anything. His only answer was, "Dude! You don't even know!" Obviously, I don't either. The next day I was sitting in my math class when another friend texted me to ask what the heck I did to Ben. Turns out Ben's Facebook status read something like, "F BYU, F Mormons, and F " I was slightly annoyed but I continued to ignore the guy completely.
Fast forward seven months and Ben moves back to MN right abt the time that I'M going back to MN cause school is done with. Weird? A little. But Ben tries to get in contact with me through e-mail, texting, and various other ways. Don't fall for it.
Fastforward a month later. I'm back in MN and randomly decide to go to Jeff's house. I walk upstairs unannounced, into my friends room where I see him and Ben. I missed my one awesome chance to punch the guy and I don't take it. It was awkward, but I decided not to have a hissy fit since it would create tension in our same group of friends. I leave and screamed in the car the whole way home. The next time we meet up it's like we're very cold acquaintances. We finally have a chance to talk briefly without being overheard and I ask, "So are we being friends again?"
"I dunno."
"Are you going to apologize?"
"For what? It's in the past."
"Cause it was uncalled for."
"You deleted me from facebook."
"You were stalkerish."
"I wanted to see what he looked like."
"I still want an apology."
"It's in the past."
"Do you care abt our friendship?"
"No, not really."
"Ok then." And then I walked away. I was SO proud of myself for not blowing up. I was talking to my brother abt it when the conversation was more fresh in my mind. He pretty much told me, from a guy's point of view how that was the "macho" way of saying let's move on without letting go of pride. Made sense. Doesn't mean I trust him (it's like saying fire wont burn), but I'm not going to create tension for others. Besides, Ben needs all the good influences he can possibly get. Someday, he'll realize he's not going where he wanted to go.
I just feel like the situation is so interesting. I'm a pretty trusting person, but I know when I don't like somebody. The problem is with Ben I can't hold grudges. Why is that? I've held onto other grudges for less. It's something I got to figure out.
Fast forward seven months and Ben moves back to MN right abt the time that I'M going back to MN cause school is done with. Weird? A little. But Ben tries to get in contact with me through e-mail, texting, and various other ways. Don't fall for it.
Fastforward a month later. I'm back in MN and randomly decide to go to Jeff's house. I walk upstairs unannounced, into my friends room where I see him and Ben. I missed my one awesome chance to punch the guy and I don't take it. It was awkward, but I decided not to have a hissy fit since it would create tension in our same group of friends. I leave and screamed in the car the whole way home. The next time we meet up it's like we're very cold acquaintances. We finally have a chance to talk briefly without being overheard and I ask, "So are we being friends again?"
"I dunno."
"Are you going to apologize?"
"For what? It's in the past."
"Cause it was uncalled for."
"You deleted me from facebook."
"You were stalkerish."
"I wanted to see what he looked like."
"I still want an apology."
"It's in the past."
"Do you care abt our friendship?"
"No, not really."
"Ok then." And then I walked away. I was SO proud of myself for not blowing up. I was talking to my brother abt it when the conversation was more fresh in my mind. He pretty much told me, from a guy's point of view how that was the "macho" way of saying let's move on without letting go of pride. Made sense. Doesn't mean I trust him (it's like saying fire wont burn), but I'm not going to create tension for others. Besides, Ben needs all the good influences he can possibly get. Someday, he'll realize he's not going where he wanted to go.
I just feel like the situation is so interesting. I'm a pretty trusting person, but I know when I don't like somebody. The problem is with Ben I can't hold grudges. Why is that? I've held onto other grudges for less. It's something I got to figure out.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
A History of Friends
So far on this blog I really haven't told that much about my life. However, that's all about to change by this post. Everyone has issues and mine suddenly reapeared since being back in MN.
First of, I would like to explain my circle of close friends (all of which that will have code names). First there is Liz who is back in Utah. She lived in MN for abt two years when I was thirteen and she was fourteen and during that time we became inseperable. Each summer we would take turns flying out and visiting each other for a couple weeks until now where I go to college ten minutes away from her college. The funny thing is, that was unplanned.
Next, their's Jenny (age 21) who is engaged to a person I strongly despise after meeting him only once. Biased? Probably. We have been friends since are agnsty years also.
Then there's Linton and Dillian. I absolutely love those boys! They are so amazing, fun to be with, pretty much perfect friends, and both on missions for two years for our church at the age of twenty. (They are not paid for it.) I first met them at the age of eleven. I thought they were crazy, but Linton actually was my first kiss/boyfriend at the age of 15. I find that slightly ironic since the LDS youth aren't suppose to date until their 16 which created a slight dillema and creative "hanging-outs". That lasted for about a year and then ended on good terms. We still are really good friends and I was there when he left for his mission with the rest of his family and Liz. A brief tangent: It was the weirdest feeling I may have ever experienced. My friend that I first met at 11 years old was dressed in a suit with a different demener than I have ever encountered from him. It was like a light switch: I watched him flip from a boy to a man. Linton gave me one last hug, started walking away, and then came back again. He hugged me once more, looked me in the eye and said, "I love you" and left. It was so cute! I can't get over it. It wasn't "I wanna marry you" love. It was "thanks for being my friend" love. I have never felt more proud for a friend before.
This is getting longer than previously desired, so I'll be brief for the rest...possibly. Dillian just knows how to have a good time without doing anything stupid. We can go to a playground (and often did) to play some sort of tag and it will be a blast. He can also express his emotions and analyze people the best I have ever seen from a straight male.
His twin, Jeff is also extremely fun to hang out with, but is preoccupied with his girlfriend Diana. I'm pretty sure they will get married eventually, but are waiting to get farther in school.
Matt and Katie (both 21) have been going out now for four years. I can't imagine them seperated, but they have issues being together. I think the real problem at hand is that they can't imagine breaking up since they've been together for so long. A break up would kind of mean that four years was a complete waste of time--or that's what they feel the dilema is.
Jill is a relatively new friend. Funny story: I met her last summer and decided to start inviting her to various things and giving her rides. I introduced her to my friend Jack, who I had a pretty big crush on at the time. Three days later, Jack is completely head over heals for Jill. I'm trying to decided if I'm still bitter. The unfortunate thing is, is that the two are in a psycho couple limbo. She refuses to come out and say that their dating, but he is still persistent after a year. I personally am impressed.
But here is where the true soap opera begins: Ben. As this story progresses, keep in mind that I've been friends with this guy since the age of eleven. While I was dating Linton at the age of 15, I decided that I liked Ben. This caused the first break up. However, Ben did something to make me increadibly angry so I started dating Linton for the second time (and last).
Fast forward to the age of 17, Ben and I started spending more time with each other so we decided to start dating. This went on for a good chunk of time when the love chemical starts running out. The rose glasses were coming off when out of the blue I get a facebook message from his Ex. The guy was cheating on me and she proved it, loud and clear. The funny thing is that when I confronted him, I caught him in so many lies it was ridiculous. The invigorating thing is that despite all his numerous flaws, Ben still had charm. We didn't start dating again, but...we were still friends.
Fast Forward to this past fall. I went to BYU and he happened to move out to Provo to live with his sister and work. We only hung out once and during that time I made the mistake of telling him that I was dating someone. Ben mentioned that he wanted to meet him. AUH!!! I have to go so I'll have to finish this long blog later. Stay tuned
First of, I would like to explain my circle of close friends (all of which that will have code names). First there is Liz who is back in Utah. She lived in MN for abt two years when I was thirteen and she was fourteen and during that time we became inseperable. Each summer we would take turns flying out and visiting each other for a couple weeks until now where I go to college ten minutes away from her college. The funny thing is, that was unplanned.
Next, their's Jenny (age 21) who is engaged to a person I strongly despise after meeting him only once. Biased? Probably. We have been friends since are agnsty years also.
Then there's Linton and Dillian. I absolutely love those boys! They are so amazing, fun to be with, pretty much perfect friends, and both on missions for two years for our church at the age of twenty. (They are not paid for it.) I first met them at the age of eleven. I thought they were crazy, but Linton actually was my first kiss/boyfriend at the age of 15. I find that slightly ironic since the LDS youth aren't suppose to date until their 16 which created a slight dillema and creative "hanging-outs". That lasted for about a year and then ended on good terms. We still are really good friends and I was there when he left for his mission with the rest of his family and Liz. A brief tangent: It was the weirdest feeling I may have ever experienced. My friend that I first met at 11 years old was dressed in a suit with a different demener than I have ever encountered from him. It was like a light switch: I watched him flip from a boy to a man. Linton gave me one last hug, started walking away, and then came back again. He hugged me once more, looked me in the eye and said, "I love you" and left. It was so cute! I can't get over it. It wasn't "I wanna marry you" love. It was "thanks for being my friend" love. I have never felt more proud for a friend before.
This is getting longer than previously desired, so I'll be brief for the rest...possibly. Dillian just knows how to have a good time without doing anything stupid. We can go to a playground (and often did) to play some sort of tag and it will be a blast. He can also express his emotions and analyze people the best I have ever seen from a straight male.
His twin, Jeff is also extremely fun to hang out with, but is preoccupied with his girlfriend Diana. I'm pretty sure they will get married eventually, but are waiting to get farther in school.
Matt and Katie (both 21) have been going out now for four years. I can't imagine them seperated, but they have issues being together. I think the real problem at hand is that they can't imagine breaking up since they've been together for so long. A break up would kind of mean that four years was a complete waste of time--or that's what they feel the dilema is.
Jill is a relatively new friend. Funny story: I met her last summer and decided to start inviting her to various things and giving her rides. I introduced her to my friend Jack, who I had a pretty big crush on at the time. Three days later, Jack is completely head over heals for Jill. I'm trying to decided if I'm still bitter. The unfortunate thing is, is that the two are in a psycho couple limbo. She refuses to come out and say that their dating, but he is still persistent after a year. I personally am impressed.
But here is where the true soap opera begins: Ben. As this story progresses, keep in mind that I've been friends with this guy since the age of eleven. While I was dating Linton at the age of 15, I decided that I liked Ben. This caused the first break up. However, Ben did something to make me increadibly angry so I started dating Linton for the second time (and last).
Fast forward to the age of 17, Ben and I started spending more time with each other so we decided to start dating. This went on for a good chunk of time when the love chemical starts running out. The rose glasses were coming off when out of the blue I get a facebook message from his Ex. The guy was cheating on me and she proved it, loud and clear. The funny thing is that when I confronted him, I caught him in so many lies it was ridiculous. The invigorating thing is that despite all his numerous flaws, Ben still had charm. We didn't start dating again, but...we were still friends.
Fast Forward to this past fall. I went to BYU and he happened to move out to Provo to live with his sister and work. We only hung out once and during that time I made the mistake of telling him that I was dating someone. Ben mentioned that he wanted to meet him. AUH!!! I have to go so I'll have to finish this long blog later. Stay tuned
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Working Towards Improvement
I'm back home in Minnesota and I'm finally missing Provo...after two weeks. I made some of the greatest friends I will ever have while at school only after such a short period of time. I can't understand what I ever did without them. It's unbelievable how much good and joy can come in a sudden rush.
And because of going out to school, I can appreciate the simple pleasures of home. For example, I never realized how completely wonderful my shower is. The water pressure, height, and soft water is just heavenly. Not having to share a room or bathroom, having my own car to drive around, not paying rent or for food, having toilet paper AND tissues--I'm living the dream. I never really understood how great that all is. I also made the realization how obnoxious the TV can be! It is such a waste of time, and yet I have to admit that I watch it. It's mildly frustrating. I would say on average my family (that is home right now) probably watches around two or three hours of TV six days a week. That's twelve to eighteen hours a week! It's disgusting to think how much can be accomplished in that time.
I’ve also became a lot more excited about my families fairly substantial collection of books. College has definitely changed my taste in what I read. I became legitimately excited when I came across the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I’m also now reading “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. I love it. It’s a new way of thinking about different situations and yet common sense at the same time. It’s blunt and directly applicable to everyday life. I think we (or maybe just I) need to hear more often that the blame usually lies in us. I have all these goals and dreams, but I’m hardly doing anything to make them become a reality.
I also have a tendency to be too quick (to suite me at least) in taking offense or anger. However, the wisdom of Eleanor Roosevelt statement of “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” has finally made an impact. I also really like the essay (or is it classified as a book?), “As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen. The wording is beautiful and the mere idea of what the power of thought can accomplish gives cause for hope and change in attitude.
As you might have guessed, I’m taking this summer as a period to improve myself in various areas. What BYU managed to accomplish was point out my NUMEROUS flaws or weaknesses. Therefore, I hope and am trying to better myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, economically, socially, and by developing talents. I don’t have to cover each area every day, but I’m going to try to do at least three. It’s the least I can do.
Improving myself economically is turning into a somewhat elusive reality. It’s quite frustrating finding a job in this area and I can’t figure out why. We don’t lack businesses, but nobody seems to want to hire me for just the darn summer. I find this to be somewhat ironic for the following reasons (I promise, I’m not trying to brag. I’m just being blunt):
1) I’m smart--I’m going to college and doing fairly well
2) I know how to work and I work HARD. Starting at the age of ten, Mom expected each of us kids to work two hours each day around the house during summer vacation excluding Sundays. On Saturdays we would only have an hour and we were never paid. I worked at a bookstore and was left by myself numerous times without anybody watching me, not even security cameras. I never even so much as texted. I always worked to improve the store or customer service. I don’t think it’s honest to be paid and not do anything for it.
3) I do everything in my power to be successful. I hate not doing my best; it literally grates on me. I’m considering retaking a class because I got a B in it. I’m pretty sure that I could have gotten a B+ or A- if I tried harder and didn’t procrastinate so much.
4) I would be so grateful for somebody hiring me that I would do everything in my power to please them or pay them back.
5) Education is the third most important thing in my life, only after family and religion. Education is the road that I am taking towards success. That is my unquenchable passion and I will do every single thing I can to get there. I have an extremely high motivation to work and enjoy every second of it.
But hey, what’s the use of worrying? I wonder why everything seems so much more fatal at night.
And because of going out to school, I can appreciate the simple pleasures of home. For example, I never realized how completely wonderful my shower is. The water pressure, height, and soft water is just heavenly. Not having to share a room or bathroom, having my own car to drive around, not paying rent or for food, having toilet paper AND tissues--I'm living the dream. I never really understood how great that all is. I also made the realization how obnoxious the TV can be! It is such a waste of time, and yet I have to admit that I watch it. It's mildly frustrating. I would say on average my family (that is home right now) probably watches around two or three hours of TV six days a week. That's twelve to eighteen hours a week! It's disgusting to think how much can be accomplished in that time.
I’ve also became a lot more excited about my families fairly substantial collection of books. College has definitely changed my taste in what I read. I became legitimately excited when I came across the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I’m also now reading “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. I love it. It’s a new way of thinking about different situations and yet common sense at the same time. It’s blunt and directly applicable to everyday life. I think we (or maybe just I) need to hear more often that the blame usually lies in us. I have all these goals and dreams, but I’m hardly doing anything to make them become a reality.
I also have a tendency to be too quick (to suite me at least) in taking offense or anger. However, the wisdom of Eleanor Roosevelt statement of “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” has finally made an impact. I also really like the essay (or is it classified as a book?), “As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen. The wording is beautiful and the mere idea of what the power of thought can accomplish gives cause for hope and change in attitude.
As you might have guessed, I’m taking this summer as a period to improve myself in various areas. What BYU managed to accomplish was point out my NUMEROUS flaws or weaknesses. Therefore, I hope and am trying to better myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, economically, socially, and by developing talents. I don’t have to cover each area every day, but I’m going to try to do at least three. It’s the least I can do.
Improving myself economically is turning into a somewhat elusive reality. It’s quite frustrating finding a job in this area and I can’t figure out why. We don’t lack businesses, but nobody seems to want to hire me for just the darn summer. I find this to be somewhat ironic for the following reasons (I promise, I’m not trying to brag. I’m just being blunt):
1) I’m smart--I’m going to college and doing fairly well
2) I know how to work and I work HARD. Starting at the age of ten, Mom expected each of us kids to work two hours each day around the house during summer vacation excluding Sundays. On Saturdays we would only have an hour and we were never paid. I worked at a bookstore and was left by myself numerous times without anybody watching me, not even security cameras. I never even so much as texted. I always worked to improve the store or customer service. I don’t think it’s honest to be paid and not do anything for it.
3) I do everything in my power to be successful. I hate not doing my best; it literally grates on me. I’m considering retaking a class because I got a B in it. I’m pretty sure that I could have gotten a B+ or A- if I tried harder and didn’t procrastinate so much.
4) I would be so grateful for somebody hiring me that I would do everything in my power to please them or pay them back.
5) Education is the third most important thing in my life, only after family and religion. Education is the road that I am taking towards success. That is my unquenchable passion and I will do every single thing I can to get there. I have an extremely high motivation to work and enjoy every second of it.
But hey, what’s the use of worrying? I wonder why everything seems so much more fatal at night.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
A Wave of Thought
My life has been hectic and it's now finals week. I never thought I would be so excited to go home (AKA Minnesota). I managed to survive my first year at college and away from my parents. That deserves celebration. Because I'm closing a chapter in my life, I feel as though I have been in a reflective mood. I once heard a girl's mind compared to a bowl of spaghetti: one thought leads to another and then another. Therefore, the following thoughts are somewhat scatter brained.
1.) First BYU is a really good school. I like feeling safe. I can literally go up to a completely random stranger and start talking with them without fear. I know exactly what their standards are and basic beliefs--especially helpful with males. (I've had some unfortunate circumstances occur between the opposite sex, some of which led to police involvement.) It's nice to know what guys stand for, for the most part.
I also really appreciate how there is a lack of alcohol or drugs. I'm not sure how many people my age in America really know how to have a fun time without them. It is possible and I love it. I like being in control of my thoughts and body. I feel as though you can interact better with people in your/their right mind and develop more meaningful relationships while having a good time. But hey, that's just me.
2.) Someone recently told me that my religion limits my possibilities, but I say the opposite. It's somewhat of an hourglass shape. I have all these choices and by choosing responsibly I can have so many more choices in the future. I may not choose to be a stripper, but I could be the first female President.
3.) Despite how much I would love to deny it, my friends and I are growing older. Sure, that might sound somewhat funny considering I'm nineteen, but hear me out. We're developing skills in order to support ourselves all around the world. In this summer alone, I will have five of my best girlfriends (ranging from 19-21 years old) getting married. Slightly ridiculous? Oh yes. But I know that they will be happier than they have ever dreamed of. I trust their decisions and their future spouses.
4.) I talked to a guidance councilor the other day. I wanted to discuss possible majors and found it to be somewhat helpful. He kind of slapped me in the face with his bluntness. People say I'm blunt, but he was worse. He basically told me that I might have dreams, but I got to let some of them go. I realized recently that I just don't have the skills necessary for them. But it's hard to deny them when you've been holding on for so long. I wanted to be a doctor. Specifically, I was thinking to major in Neuroscience. However, the day came when I realized I'm just not skillful in that area. Chemistry, sadly enough, kicks my butt. Ironic? A little bit. But that's okay. I have other skills.
I told the man that I loved to write and didn't mind doing research and he got really excited. He started listing off all these majors including creative writing. I would absolutely love to travel and write! I can imagine myself sitting at a cafe next to a beautiful canal in Florence. However, I'm unfortunately too realistic. The odds of making a living off of writing is very slim indeed. At least, when writing creatively. I do think that I'm starting to lean more towards Humanities or even Art History which is a developing passion.
5.) My GPA is not up to par. I have a 3.55 right now and some would say that was great, but I don't. The average at BYU is a 3.75 and I have the happy traits of being a perfectionist, ambitious, and competitive. What this ends up meaning is that I have some major expectations for myself. It really doesn't help that I'm the youngest of seven kids. I compare myself way too much which is just not smart. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I don't consider myself to be a smart person, but I work. Hard. I have no idea how many all-nighters I have pulled this semester alone. I also tend to procrastinate (go figure). Once this semester, I had to study/take two tests and research/write two papers in a little over 30 hours. It was HELL. But, I did it. The frustrating thing is that I worked this semester more than I have ever worked before in my life. It was a good learning experience and I found out how hard I can push myself. However, I'm fairly certain that I will get two or three B's--mostly because of the darn finals. Oh well. I did the best I could do. I just really wanted to raise my GPA so I could slide into a major easier.
6.) Last thing for tonight: I was talking to a friend and she was telling me who she was named after. It was then when I remembered that I was named after 21 others in the family tree--all with the same name. Sadly enough, I didn't know any of them or what they have done. I decided it would be a wise thing to look into. It kind of made me think differently of my behavior. I am representing the 21 other ladies that have gone before me. I hate to be melodramatic, but I don't want to disappoint them or the rest of my family.
In the end, I think I think too much.
1.) First BYU is a really good school. I like feeling safe. I can literally go up to a completely random stranger and start talking with them without fear. I know exactly what their standards are and basic beliefs--especially helpful with males. (I've had some unfortunate circumstances occur between the opposite sex, some of which led to police involvement.) It's nice to know what guys stand for, for the most part.
I also really appreciate how there is a lack of alcohol or drugs. I'm not sure how many people my age in America really know how to have a fun time without them. It is possible and I love it. I like being in control of my thoughts and body. I feel as though you can interact better with people in your/their right mind and develop more meaningful relationships while having a good time. But hey, that's just me.
2.) Someone recently told me that my religion limits my possibilities, but I say the opposite. It's somewhat of an hourglass shape. I have all these choices and by choosing responsibly I can have so many more choices in the future. I may not choose to be a stripper, but I could be the first female President.
3.) Despite how much I would love to deny it, my friends and I are growing older. Sure, that might sound somewhat funny considering I'm nineteen, but hear me out. We're developing skills in order to support ourselves all around the world. In this summer alone, I will have five of my best girlfriends (ranging from 19-21 years old) getting married. Slightly ridiculous? Oh yes. But I know that they will be happier than they have ever dreamed of. I trust their decisions and their future spouses.
4.) I talked to a guidance councilor the other day. I wanted to discuss possible majors and found it to be somewhat helpful. He kind of slapped me in the face with his bluntness. People say I'm blunt, but he was worse. He basically told me that I might have dreams, but I got to let some of them go. I realized recently that I just don't have the skills necessary for them. But it's hard to deny them when you've been holding on for so long. I wanted to be a doctor. Specifically, I was thinking to major in Neuroscience. However, the day came when I realized I'm just not skillful in that area. Chemistry, sadly enough, kicks my butt. Ironic? A little bit. But that's okay. I have other skills.
I told the man that I loved to write and didn't mind doing research and he got really excited. He started listing off all these majors including creative writing. I would absolutely love to travel and write! I can imagine myself sitting at a cafe next to a beautiful canal in Florence. However, I'm unfortunately too realistic. The odds of making a living off of writing is very slim indeed. At least, when writing creatively. I do think that I'm starting to lean more towards Humanities or even Art History which is a developing passion.
5.) My GPA is not up to par. I have a 3.55 right now and some would say that was great, but I don't. The average at BYU is a 3.75 and I have the happy traits of being a perfectionist, ambitious, and competitive. What this ends up meaning is that I have some major expectations for myself. It really doesn't help that I'm the youngest of seven kids. I compare myself way too much which is just not smart. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I don't consider myself to be a smart person, but I work. Hard. I have no idea how many all-nighters I have pulled this semester alone. I also tend to procrastinate (go figure). Once this semester, I had to study/take two tests and research/write two papers in a little over 30 hours. It was HELL. But, I did it. The frustrating thing is that I worked this semester more than I have ever worked before in my life. It was a good learning experience and I found out how hard I can push myself. However, I'm fairly certain that I will get two or three B's--mostly because of the darn finals. Oh well. I did the best I could do. I just really wanted to raise my GPA so I could slide into a major easier.
6.) Last thing for tonight: I was talking to a friend and she was telling me who she was named after. It was then when I remembered that I was named after 21 others in the family tree--all with the same name. Sadly enough, I didn't know any of them or what they have done. I decided it would be a wise thing to look into. It kind of made me think differently of my behavior. I am representing the 21 other ladies that have gone before me. I hate to be melodramatic, but I don't want to disappoint them or the rest of my family.
In the end, I think I think too much.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Happy Days
First of can I just say that I think doing this blog is somewhat a strange pastime? I have no idea if people actually read this or who the reader is. Or maybe nobody even sees it except for me. I suppose it really doesn't matter as long as it makes me happy.
I have had some great news recently. My cell phone had been dead all day yesterday until I finally got to charging it at seven pm. I saw that I missed my brother and decided to call him back. He answered and said that I just missed the opportunity to be taken out to dinner with him and his wife who live fairly close by my university. I was a little surprised to be truthfully honest. It's not like any of us are rolling in the dough, so to speak. Then he adds, "Yeah we went to this Chinese restaurant to celebrate." I had to rack my brain if I knew of any birthdays I should have been aware of, but no. He practically screams that my sister-in-law is pregnant!!! I was astonished beyond description. My sister-in-law had been trying to get pregnant for about seven years with absolutely no luck. They were trying to save up the money fore medical help or adoption. I was so happy for them I started crying.
Getting nieces and nephews isn't a new thing for me by any means. I feel the need to describe my family. First off, my parents married when my mom was twenty one and my dad was twenty three. They never divorced or cheated. Instead, they raised seven children (all planned). Being the youngest, my oldest sibling got married when I was six and I became an Aunt at age eight. Since then, the other four oldest siblings got married. Now I have seven beautiful nieces, two dashing nephews, and (now) two on the way due in August.
It seems to me the couple that would make the best parents are always faced with challenges in creating their families. This was just the case. It was such an unexpected answer to my sister-in-law's "illness" that they didn't figure it out until three months after the fact!
But do you know what's even more interesting? Small explanation on my interpretation on the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: One wonderful thing about my church is that we believe in the power of receiving revelation for ourselves from Heavenly Father (AKA Our name for God since we also believe he's our father) through the Holy Ghost. Our missionaries often challenge investigators to pray and receive revelation for themselves to see if the Book of Mormon is true. We believe that he cares so much about our lives to not only listen, but answer. I have such a strong testimony of prayer, nobody can shake it. I might not be so strong in other areas, but prayer NEVER fails.
This helps lead me into my story. I remember (since I also wrote in my journal about that night) feeling at peace with the world. I had a burning desire to repent from numerous errors, pray for spiritual guidance, pray for the ones I loved, and even pray for people who had wronged me or I wasn't very close to. I remember praying for my brother and sister-in-law, pleading with Heavenly Father to allow them to have a child bless their home. And He did; He answered not only my prayer, but so many others. After getting off the phone, I collapsed onto the floor sobbing. I managed to thank my Heavenly Father, giving credit where it was due.
I have had some great news recently. My cell phone had been dead all day yesterday until I finally got to charging it at seven pm. I saw that I missed my brother and decided to call him back. He answered and said that I just missed the opportunity to be taken out to dinner with him and his wife who live fairly close by my university. I was a little surprised to be truthfully honest. It's not like any of us are rolling in the dough, so to speak. Then he adds, "Yeah we went to this Chinese restaurant to celebrate." I had to rack my brain if I knew of any birthdays I should have been aware of, but no. He practically screams that my sister-in-law is pregnant!!! I was astonished beyond description. My sister-in-law had been trying to get pregnant for about seven years with absolutely no luck. They were trying to save up the money fore medical help or adoption. I was so happy for them I started crying.
Getting nieces and nephews isn't a new thing for me by any means. I feel the need to describe my family. First off, my parents married when my mom was twenty one and my dad was twenty three. They never divorced or cheated. Instead, they raised seven children (all planned). Being the youngest, my oldest sibling got married when I was six and I became an Aunt at age eight. Since then, the other four oldest siblings got married. Now I have seven beautiful nieces, two dashing nephews, and (now) two on the way due in August.
It seems to me the couple that would make the best parents are always faced with challenges in creating their families. This was just the case. It was such an unexpected answer to my sister-in-law's "illness" that they didn't figure it out until three months after the fact!
But do you know what's even more interesting? Small explanation on my interpretation on the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: One wonderful thing about my church is that we believe in the power of receiving revelation for ourselves from Heavenly Father (AKA Our name for God since we also believe he's our father) through the Holy Ghost. Our missionaries often challenge investigators to pray and receive revelation for themselves to see if the Book of Mormon is true. We believe that he cares so much about our lives to not only listen, but answer. I have such a strong testimony of prayer, nobody can shake it. I might not be so strong in other areas, but prayer NEVER fails.
This helps lead me into my story. I remember (since I also wrote in my journal about that night) feeling at peace with the world. I had a burning desire to repent from numerous errors, pray for spiritual guidance, pray for the ones I loved, and even pray for people who had wronged me or I wasn't very close to. I remember praying for my brother and sister-in-law, pleading with Heavenly Father to allow them to have a child bless their home. And He did; He answered not only my prayer, but so many others. After getting off the phone, I collapsed onto the floor sobbing. I managed to thank my Heavenly Father, giving credit where it was due.
Friday, March 27, 2009
How This Works
I put some thought into what I want this blog to accomplish. Some might have the goal of changing the world through their words. It has been done before, just not very recently. Let's face the facts. By the time a person writes another "Common Sense", the subject has already been addressed numerous times. In today's society, one might need to resort to creating a collosal movie in order to make a somewhat lasting impression. I'm sure that I could weave some politics into the matter, but I 'm not as naive as some of my fellow peers to assume that I know anything about the subject. If life has taught me anything it's that children usually follow the teachings instilled into them by society or more importantly, their parents. I find numerous speeches revolving around politics to be disgustingly biased or somewhat closed-minded.
The following tangent will be one of the rare occasions that I make any reference to Politics or the Government:
One of the termoils of the day is the failing economy. I feel safe to say that most everyone is outraged by this development and I have heard a few blaim the government. I found this to be increadibly ironic. Don't the people elect the officials who they feel will represent them the best? Stop complaining and get more invloved with the legistlatures closer to you in the state. I also think that the President gets to much credit for all that happens during his jurisdiction. The President often times inherits the previous President's successes or failures. Any new programs started by a president will often times not show its true colors until a few years later. The power held by the Federal government and the President was surely not what the Founding Fathers had intended. Where have the State powers gone? It seems to me that the Constitution is turning more into a symbol than a ruling document. Let the changes made in the government be made into an amendment first.
Now that that's out of my system, I can answer what I want this blog to accomplish. The simple reply would be: I really don't care. This is my blog and I can write about whatever I so choose. However, I do hope that it will lead to various enlightenment about different subjects. I decided (for now) not to let anyone near me know of this. I don't think I could truley write what I think or do without facing uncomfortable conversations. I choose to write to the unknown reader who, vice versa, doesn't know me.
The following tangent will be one of the rare occasions that I make any reference to Politics or the Government:
One of the termoils of the day is the failing economy. I feel safe to say that most everyone is outraged by this development and I have heard a few blaim the government. I found this to be increadibly ironic. Don't the people elect the officials who they feel will represent them the best? Stop complaining and get more invloved with the legistlatures closer to you in the state. I also think that the President gets to much credit for all that happens during his jurisdiction. The President often times inherits the previous President's successes or failures. Any new programs started by a president will often times not show its true colors until a few years later. The power held by the Federal government and the President was surely not what the Founding Fathers had intended. Where have the State powers gone? It seems to me that the Constitution is turning more into a symbol than a ruling document. Let the changes made in the government be made into an amendment first.
Now that that's out of my system, I can answer what I want this blog to accomplish. The simple reply would be: I really don't care. This is my blog and I can write about whatever I so choose. However, I do hope that it will lead to various enlightenment about different subjects. I decided (for now) not to let anyone near me know of this. I don't think I could truley write what I think or do without facing uncomfortable conversations. I choose to write to the unknown reader who, vice versa, doesn't know me.
The Creation
Emily once told me that I should start my own blog and I decided to do it! How very exciting. I'm fairly sure that I'll go through phases. I'll start off writing every single day then slowly progress to not writing at all. But till that point, I progress.
I don't think anyone knows how much thought I put into things like this. For example, coming up with a name for the blog was extremely taxing. Jess (my roomate) suggested My Life which I found to be slightly unoriginal. I thought of A Day And A life, but decided that was even worse. My next idea was For Better or For Worse, but Jess pointed out that it sounded like marriage. Therefore, I started googling famous lines in literature which led me to "It was the worst of times, it was the best of times". That didn't really work because a) I don't consider myself to be in the worst of times b) I was afraid of copy write laws and c) it was too cheasy. That's when I hit upon The Inner Workings! Doesn't it send chills up your spine? It's like naming a book. I debated somewhat of The Intrinsic Workings, but then decided that I have difficulty pronouncing the word.
Then I had to worry about the background! It took quite some time, let me tell you. I wanted it to be simple yet beautiful. Decorated, but not to decorated to detract from the blogs. I'm still not sure how I like it, but it will do for now.
I don't think anyone knows how much thought I put into things like this. For example, coming up with a name for the blog was extremely taxing. Jess (my roomate) suggested My Life which I found to be slightly unoriginal. I thought of A Day And A life, but decided that was even worse. My next idea was For Better or For Worse, but Jess pointed out that it sounded like marriage. Therefore, I started googling famous lines in literature which led me to "It was the worst of times, it was the best of times". That didn't really work because a) I don't consider myself to be in the worst of times b) I was afraid of copy write laws and c) it was too cheasy. That's when I hit upon The Inner Workings! Doesn't it send chills up your spine? It's like naming a book. I debated somewhat of The Intrinsic Workings, but then decided that I have difficulty pronouncing the word.
Then I had to worry about the background! It took quite some time, let me tell you. I wanted it to be simple yet beautiful. Decorated, but not to decorated to detract from the blogs. I'm still not sure how I like it, but it will do for now.
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