A Beautiful Thing

When you sit down and just listen to the silence, what happens to your face? I smile. I can honestly say, I'm happy. I use to say to myself I would be happy when I got to a certain point in my life. But why can't I enjoy the journey? I don't think I've ever been more excited for life!

My brother/sister-in-law and their kids are living with us for awhile. They have been living in Taiwan (my sister-in-law is 100%) and needed to come back to the states so my nephew could receive some surgery for his eyes. Anyway, she's basically partners of a cram school. What this boils down to is that I could easily be teaching English next summer in Taiwan and earning $22 an hr ($35 for field trips). Hours would be somewhere around twenty to thirty hours a week. AWESOME. It would be stressful (to say the least), but what an experience! I've already been to Taiwan and taught for a day, and I loved it so much. I can't describe how much I love other cultures and just learning abt the world and people. It's a very realistic possibility. The other possibility is that I could do various commercials. I might sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm completely serious. My nephew has made $4,000, my brother has been in multiple commercials (mostly because he's white). and my niece has her own magazine cover. They have agents. No joke. Because I have no "experience" (I actually went to a performing arts high school for acting) they would pay me $25 an hr. It would be so much fun and living expenses are so darn cheep there its insane.

I also decided I want to do a study abroad in Europe. It's the only chance I will have to do something of the sort. I came REALLY close to taking off Fall semester to save money to go in the spring. The program I wanted focused on Art History (a major that I'm seriously considering) and would travel to ALL the countries I want to see. It seemed absolutely perfect, but I decided to wait until after my junior year so that I could save more and figure out what I'm really going to major in so that the study abroad will directly apply.

I also decided that I want to do the Peace Corp. I have no idea when I'm going to do this. Not sure how that's going to fit in, but I've been feeling really strongly abt it. I want to help people and it seems like a great program do be apart of. I know it doesn't pay, but what better time to do it then when I'm single and have little responsibility except for my well-being? I think that if I were to teach English in Taiwan, it would help my chances of being accepted.

Another realization I've made is how useful internships are. I feel as though I should do something similar since it gives great experience and a taste of what your going to be a part of. It seems like an extremely smart career move for a young person. Again, when the heck am I going to fit in this along with all my other brilliant schemes is beyond me. I'm thinking I might have to take off some school eventually. Don't worry. There's no chance that I won't go back to college. That will only happen if I die. I consider myself to be highly motivated to succeed. Success consists partially of gaining a higher understanding; I'm using education as a major stepping stone towards that goal.

After having these various ideas bouncing in the back of my brain, I have also yet decided on a major. I literally copied and pasted the list of majors that BYU offers and put them on a Word Document. From there I started deleting the areas I didn't want. The only issue is, is that I love to learn! I look at a major and think, "Oh! That sounds so interesting!" It took me no less than a half an hour to realize I really didn't want to major in Physics Astronomy. What I tend to disregard is the fact their are no jobs that are open to a European Studies graduate and the like. I narrowed the list down from 130 some to 22. The goal is to be down to ten by the time I start classes in the fall and have picked one by the end of Christmas break. The ridiculous thing is I was thinking of going into Librarian Science, but that option isn't even available at BYU! Go figure.

One possibility is going into some sort of Business. I talked to a Business man the other day who was trying to convince me to start selling a cell phone. He was so disgusting in that he was so good at what he did. He was trying to figure out my personality. He starts off by asking me if I'm an entrepreneur after we were chit chatting for a bit in attempt to flatter me. The truly obnoxious thing is if I was to sell the product that is "new technology" that he claimed "no other company had" (obviously, they will have it in a few months tops) I would have to pay a few thousand dollars than would take me more than a year to make up if I was GOOD at selling. I then asked him how long he had been selling the product that he so believed in. THREE WEEKS. Before, he was in rel estate. That was something that interested me and I asked how he got started in it. He mentioned that it was a doing great and later contradicted himself by saying nobody was looking for homes. What tipped the iceberg was he used my religion against me. Wrong move. VERY wrong move. He used a parable from the Bible that Jesus taught to his disciples abt sewing the seeds to try and convince me to sell his product. How desperate could he have possibly been? Since, if I did do it, he would of course be making money off of every sale I made. Ridiculous.

I'm not sure if I could be a salesperson. I'm not pushy enough and I wouldn't be able to believe in the product. Why would I try to convince a person that they needed a certain item, when I knew they didn't? I think an issue that I have is that I consider myself to be very frugal and so are my parents (well, to an extent). What I don't realize is people are often willing to spend a lot more on the latest fashion/technology than I consider to be reasonable.

A slight change in topic I was talking to Ben a couple days ago for more than five hours. We didn't do anything we just sat a talked which was nice. We have the strangest history in the world. I should hate him by now, but in all our various disagreements/run-ins it's always due to our lack of maturity and quick tempers. But, we've both matured a great deal and both admitted that we have a great respect for the other. I don't know why, but we can't not be friends. I think what's going on is that we both know each other so well and get along in person so well that we can't hate each other. What's slightly fascinating is that I feel like understanding is directly linked to love. Even though we've done various acts of immaturity I can honestly say I want to see him happy. I have more reason to dislike him more than any other person in the world, but I don't. It's twisted. I've disliked others for less, but oh well.

Anyway, we were talking abt religion. Ben was baptised into the church and is technically still a Mormon and I believe he still knows it to be true kind of thing, but doesn't want to admit it. What it comes down to is (in his own words) he "just doesn't care". Ben's way of thinking is that people outside the church are perfectly fine. He thinks he's perfectly fine. He's proud that he's tried various drugs and done various other things that doesn't coincide with our beliefs. He hasn't been burned yet so why stop playing with fire? I was smiling the whole time he was ranting. I couldn't help it. I felt sympathetic which is odd. I never am sympathetic, but I was then. Ben says he's fine. He's not. He suffered from health issues and is more than $10,000 in debt, his credit is shot to hell, has no job, living with his parents, signs of depression, and has no motivation. He feels as though before he got started, he got screwed over by finances. Basically, he has no hope. What is life without hope? Why would you want to live without hope? I think those are two questions he struggles to answer.

But let's pretend he is fine. People outside the gospel of Jesus Christ are fine. But why be fine when you can be Great? Always strive for something better. To me improvement and growth are so important! I can't understand people who aren't aiming for those goals constantly. I'm not saying that the gospel makes me better than others. I'm saying that the gospel makes me a better me and does the same for others if they truly apply it to their lives. I know that. I love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It makes so much sense to me! I've learned abt other faiths and this one just is so complete. It all ties in. If you have questions your allowed to search out the answer. We can gain personal revelation through prayer and the power of the Holy Ghost. Prophets still live! God hasn't stopped talking. The Church follows the pattern given in the Bible. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ! This religion is the only one that I know of that can answer, "Where did I come from?", "Why am I here?", and "Where am I going?". How many people can answer those questions with assurance, let alone a teenager? It's a beautiful thing because I can.