I'm back home in Minnesota and I'm finally missing Provo...after two weeks. I made some of the greatest friends I will ever have while at school only after such a short period of time. I can't understand what I ever did without them. It's unbelievable how much good and joy can come in a sudden rush.
And because of going out to school, I can appreciate the simple pleasures of home. For example, I never realized how completely wonderful my shower is. The water pressure, height, and soft water is just heavenly. Not having to share a room or bathroom, having my own car to drive around, not paying rent or for food, having toilet paper AND tissues--I'm living the dream. I never really understood how great that all is. I also made the realization how obnoxious the TV can be! It is such a waste of time, and yet I have to admit that I watch it. It's mildly frustrating. I would say on average my family (that is home right now) probably watches around two or three hours of TV six days a week. That's twelve to eighteen hours a week! It's disgusting to think how much can be accomplished in that time.
I’ve also became a lot more excited about my families fairly substantial collection of books. College has definitely changed my taste in what I read. I became legitimately excited when I came across the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I’m also now reading “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. I love it. It’s a new way of thinking about different situations and yet common sense at the same time. It’s blunt and directly applicable to everyday life. I think we (or maybe just I) need to hear more often that the blame usually lies in us. I have all these goals and dreams, but I’m hardly doing anything to make them become a reality.
I also have a tendency to be too quick (to suite me at least) in taking offense or anger. However, the wisdom of Eleanor Roosevelt statement of “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” has finally made an impact. I also really like the essay (or is it classified as a book?), “As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen. The wording is beautiful and the mere idea of what the power of thought can accomplish gives cause for hope and change in attitude.
As you might have guessed, I’m taking this summer as a period to improve myself in various areas. What BYU managed to accomplish was point out my NUMEROUS flaws or weaknesses. Therefore, I hope and am trying to better myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, economically, socially, and by developing talents. I don’t have to cover each area every day, but I’m going to try to do at least three. It’s the least I can do.
Improving myself economically is turning into a somewhat elusive reality. It’s quite frustrating finding a job in this area and I can’t figure out why. We don’t lack businesses, but nobody seems to want to hire me for just the darn summer. I find this to be somewhat ironic for the following reasons (I promise, I’m not trying to brag. I’m just being blunt):
1) I’m smart--I’m going to college and doing fairly well
2) I know how to work and I work HARD. Starting at the age of ten, Mom expected each of us kids to work two hours each day around the house during summer vacation excluding Sundays. On Saturdays we would only have an hour and we were never paid. I worked at a bookstore and was left by myself numerous times without anybody watching me, not even security cameras. I never even so much as texted. I always worked to improve the store or customer service. I don’t think it’s honest to be paid and not do anything for it.
3) I do everything in my power to be successful. I hate not doing my best; it literally grates on me. I’m considering retaking a class because I got a B in it. I’m pretty sure that I could have gotten a B+ or A- if I tried harder and didn’t procrastinate so much.
4) I would be so grateful for somebody hiring me that I would do everything in my power to please them or pay them back.
5) Education is the third most important thing in my life, only after family and religion. Education is the road that I am taking towards success. That is my unquenchable passion and I will do every single thing I can to get there. I have an extremely high motivation to work and enjoy every second of it.
But hey, what’s the use of worrying? I wonder why everything seems so much more fatal at night.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
A Wave of Thought
My life has been hectic and it's now finals week. I never thought I would be so excited to go home (AKA Minnesota). I managed to survive my first year at college and away from my parents. That deserves celebration. Because I'm closing a chapter in my life, I feel as though I have been in a reflective mood. I once heard a girl's mind compared to a bowl of spaghetti: one thought leads to another and then another. Therefore, the following thoughts are somewhat scatter brained.
1.) First BYU is a really good school. I like feeling safe. I can literally go up to a completely random stranger and start talking with them without fear. I know exactly what their standards are and basic beliefs--especially helpful with males. (I've had some unfortunate circumstances occur between the opposite sex, some of which led to police involvement.) It's nice to know what guys stand for, for the most part.
I also really appreciate how there is a lack of alcohol or drugs. I'm not sure how many people my age in America really know how to have a fun time without them. It is possible and I love it. I like being in control of my thoughts and body. I feel as though you can interact better with people in your/their right mind and develop more meaningful relationships while having a good time. But hey, that's just me.
2.) Someone recently told me that my religion limits my possibilities, but I say the opposite. It's somewhat of an hourglass shape. I have all these choices and by choosing responsibly I can have so many more choices in the future. I may not choose to be a stripper, but I could be the first female President.
3.) Despite how much I would love to deny it, my friends and I are growing older. Sure, that might sound somewhat funny considering I'm nineteen, but hear me out. We're developing skills in order to support ourselves all around the world. In this summer alone, I will have five of my best girlfriends (ranging from 19-21 years old) getting married. Slightly ridiculous? Oh yes. But I know that they will be happier than they have ever dreamed of. I trust their decisions and their future spouses.
4.) I talked to a guidance councilor the other day. I wanted to discuss possible majors and found it to be somewhat helpful. He kind of slapped me in the face with his bluntness. People say I'm blunt, but he was worse. He basically told me that I might have dreams, but I got to let some of them go. I realized recently that I just don't have the skills necessary for them. But it's hard to deny them when you've been holding on for so long. I wanted to be a doctor. Specifically, I was thinking to major in Neuroscience. However, the day came when I realized I'm just not skillful in that area. Chemistry, sadly enough, kicks my butt. Ironic? A little bit. But that's okay. I have other skills.
I told the man that I loved to write and didn't mind doing research and he got really excited. He started listing off all these majors including creative writing. I would absolutely love to travel and write! I can imagine myself sitting at a cafe next to a beautiful canal in Florence. However, I'm unfortunately too realistic. The odds of making a living off of writing is very slim indeed. At least, when writing creatively. I do think that I'm starting to lean more towards Humanities or even Art History which is a developing passion.
5.) My GPA is not up to par. I have a 3.55 right now and some would say that was great, but I don't. The average at BYU is a 3.75 and I have the happy traits of being a perfectionist, ambitious, and competitive. What this ends up meaning is that I have some major expectations for myself. It really doesn't help that I'm the youngest of seven kids. I compare myself way too much which is just not smart. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I don't consider myself to be a smart person, but I work. Hard. I have no idea how many all-nighters I have pulled this semester alone. I also tend to procrastinate (go figure). Once this semester, I had to study/take two tests and research/write two papers in a little over 30 hours. It was HELL. But, I did it. The frustrating thing is that I worked this semester more than I have ever worked before in my life. It was a good learning experience and I found out how hard I can push myself. However, I'm fairly certain that I will get two or three B's--mostly because of the darn finals. Oh well. I did the best I could do. I just really wanted to raise my GPA so I could slide into a major easier.
6.) Last thing for tonight: I was talking to a friend and she was telling me who she was named after. It was then when I remembered that I was named after 21 others in the family tree--all with the same name. Sadly enough, I didn't know any of them or what they have done. I decided it would be a wise thing to look into. It kind of made me think differently of my behavior. I am representing the 21 other ladies that have gone before me. I hate to be melodramatic, but I don't want to disappoint them or the rest of my family.
In the end, I think I think too much.
1.) First BYU is a really good school. I like feeling safe. I can literally go up to a completely random stranger and start talking with them without fear. I know exactly what their standards are and basic beliefs--especially helpful with males. (I've had some unfortunate circumstances occur between the opposite sex, some of which led to police involvement.) It's nice to know what guys stand for, for the most part.
I also really appreciate how there is a lack of alcohol or drugs. I'm not sure how many people my age in America really know how to have a fun time without them. It is possible and I love it. I like being in control of my thoughts and body. I feel as though you can interact better with people in your/their right mind and develop more meaningful relationships while having a good time. But hey, that's just me.
2.) Someone recently told me that my religion limits my possibilities, but I say the opposite. It's somewhat of an hourglass shape. I have all these choices and by choosing responsibly I can have so many more choices in the future. I may not choose to be a stripper, but I could be the first female President.
3.) Despite how much I would love to deny it, my friends and I are growing older. Sure, that might sound somewhat funny considering I'm nineteen, but hear me out. We're developing skills in order to support ourselves all around the world. In this summer alone, I will have five of my best girlfriends (ranging from 19-21 years old) getting married. Slightly ridiculous? Oh yes. But I know that they will be happier than they have ever dreamed of. I trust their decisions and their future spouses.
4.) I talked to a guidance councilor the other day. I wanted to discuss possible majors and found it to be somewhat helpful. He kind of slapped me in the face with his bluntness. People say I'm blunt, but he was worse. He basically told me that I might have dreams, but I got to let some of them go. I realized recently that I just don't have the skills necessary for them. But it's hard to deny them when you've been holding on for so long. I wanted to be a doctor. Specifically, I was thinking to major in Neuroscience. However, the day came when I realized I'm just not skillful in that area. Chemistry, sadly enough, kicks my butt. Ironic? A little bit. But that's okay. I have other skills.
I told the man that I loved to write and didn't mind doing research and he got really excited. He started listing off all these majors including creative writing. I would absolutely love to travel and write! I can imagine myself sitting at a cafe next to a beautiful canal in Florence. However, I'm unfortunately too realistic. The odds of making a living off of writing is very slim indeed. At least, when writing creatively. I do think that I'm starting to lean more towards Humanities or even Art History which is a developing passion.
5.) My GPA is not up to par. I have a 3.55 right now and some would say that was great, but I don't. The average at BYU is a 3.75 and I have the happy traits of being a perfectionist, ambitious, and competitive. What this ends up meaning is that I have some major expectations for myself. It really doesn't help that I'm the youngest of seven kids. I compare myself way too much which is just not smart. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I don't consider myself to be a smart person, but I work. Hard. I have no idea how many all-nighters I have pulled this semester alone. I also tend to procrastinate (go figure). Once this semester, I had to study/take two tests and research/write two papers in a little over 30 hours. It was HELL. But, I did it. The frustrating thing is that I worked this semester more than I have ever worked before in my life. It was a good learning experience and I found out how hard I can push myself. However, I'm fairly certain that I will get two or three B's--mostly because of the darn finals. Oh well. I did the best I could do. I just really wanted to raise my GPA so I could slide into a major easier.
6.) Last thing for tonight: I was talking to a friend and she was telling me who she was named after. It was then when I remembered that I was named after 21 others in the family tree--all with the same name. Sadly enough, I didn't know any of them or what they have done. I decided it would be a wise thing to look into. It kind of made me think differently of my behavior. I am representing the 21 other ladies that have gone before me. I hate to be melodramatic, but I don't want to disappoint them or the rest of my family.
In the end, I think I think too much.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Happy Days
First of can I just say that I think doing this blog is somewhat a strange pastime? I have no idea if people actually read this or who the reader is. Or maybe nobody even sees it except for me. I suppose it really doesn't matter as long as it makes me happy.
I have had some great news recently. My cell phone had been dead all day yesterday until I finally got to charging it at seven pm. I saw that I missed my brother and decided to call him back. He answered and said that I just missed the opportunity to be taken out to dinner with him and his wife who live fairly close by my university. I was a little surprised to be truthfully honest. It's not like any of us are rolling in the dough, so to speak. Then he adds, "Yeah we went to this Chinese restaurant to celebrate." I had to rack my brain if I knew of any birthdays I should have been aware of, but no. He practically screams that my sister-in-law is pregnant!!! I was astonished beyond description. My sister-in-law had been trying to get pregnant for about seven years with absolutely no luck. They were trying to save up the money fore medical help or adoption. I was so happy for them I started crying.
Getting nieces and nephews isn't a new thing for me by any means. I feel the need to describe my family. First off, my parents married when my mom was twenty one and my dad was twenty three. They never divorced or cheated. Instead, they raised seven children (all planned). Being the youngest, my oldest sibling got married when I was six and I became an Aunt at age eight. Since then, the other four oldest siblings got married. Now I have seven beautiful nieces, two dashing nephews, and (now) two on the way due in August.
It seems to me the couple that would make the best parents are always faced with challenges in creating their families. This was just the case. It was such an unexpected answer to my sister-in-law's "illness" that they didn't figure it out until three months after the fact!
But do you know what's even more interesting? Small explanation on my interpretation on the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: One wonderful thing about my church is that we believe in the power of receiving revelation for ourselves from Heavenly Father (AKA Our name for God since we also believe he's our father) through the Holy Ghost. Our missionaries often challenge investigators to pray and receive revelation for themselves to see if the Book of Mormon is true. We believe that he cares so much about our lives to not only listen, but answer. I have such a strong testimony of prayer, nobody can shake it. I might not be so strong in other areas, but prayer NEVER fails.
This helps lead me into my story. I remember (since I also wrote in my journal about that night) feeling at peace with the world. I had a burning desire to repent from numerous errors, pray for spiritual guidance, pray for the ones I loved, and even pray for people who had wronged me or I wasn't very close to. I remember praying for my brother and sister-in-law, pleading with Heavenly Father to allow them to have a child bless their home. And He did; He answered not only my prayer, but so many others. After getting off the phone, I collapsed onto the floor sobbing. I managed to thank my Heavenly Father, giving credit where it was due.
I have had some great news recently. My cell phone had been dead all day yesterday until I finally got to charging it at seven pm. I saw that I missed my brother and decided to call him back. He answered and said that I just missed the opportunity to be taken out to dinner with him and his wife who live fairly close by my university. I was a little surprised to be truthfully honest. It's not like any of us are rolling in the dough, so to speak. Then he adds, "Yeah we went to this Chinese restaurant to celebrate." I had to rack my brain if I knew of any birthdays I should have been aware of, but no. He practically screams that my sister-in-law is pregnant!!! I was astonished beyond description. My sister-in-law had been trying to get pregnant for about seven years with absolutely no luck. They were trying to save up the money fore medical help or adoption. I was so happy for them I started crying.
Getting nieces and nephews isn't a new thing for me by any means. I feel the need to describe my family. First off, my parents married when my mom was twenty one and my dad was twenty three. They never divorced or cheated. Instead, they raised seven children (all planned). Being the youngest, my oldest sibling got married when I was six and I became an Aunt at age eight. Since then, the other four oldest siblings got married. Now I have seven beautiful nieces, two dashing nephews, and (now) two on the way due in August.
It seems to me the couple that would make the best parents are always faced with challenges in creating their families. This was just the case. It was such an unexpected answer to my sister-in-law's "illness" that they didn't figure it out until three months after the fact!
But do you know what's even more interesting? Small explanation on my interpretation on the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: One wonderful thing about my church is that we believe in the power of receiving revelation for ourselves from Heavenly Father (AKA Our name for God since we also believe he's our father) through the Holy Ghost. Our missionaries often challenge investigators to pray and receive revelation for themselves to see if the Book of Mormon is true. We believe that he cares so much about our lives to not only listen, but answer. I have such a strong testimony of prayer, nobody can shake it. I might not be so strong in other areas, but prayer NEVER fails.
This helps lead me into my story. I remember (since I also wrote in my journal about that night) feeling at peace with the world. I had a burning desire to repent from numerous errors, pray for spiritual guidance, pray for the ones I loved, and even pray for people who had wronged me or I wasn't very close to. I remember praying for my brother and sister-in-law, pleading with Heavenly Father to allow them to have a child bless their home. And He did; He answered not only my prayer, but so many others. After getting off the phone, I collapsed onto the floor sobbing. I managed to thank my Heavenly Father, giving credit where it was due.
Friday, March 27, 2009
How This Works
I put some thought into what I want this blog to accomplish. Some might have the goal of changing the world through their words. It has been done before, just not very recently. Let's face the facts. By the time a person writes another "Common Sense", the subject has already been addressed numerous times. In today's society, one might need to resort to creating a collosal movie in order to make a somewhat lasting impression. I'm sure that I could weave some politics into the matter, but I 'm not as naive as some of my fellow peers to assume that I know anything about the subject. If life has taught me anything it's that children usually follow the teachings instilled into them by society or more importantly, their parents. I find numerous speeches revolving around politics to be disgustingly biased or somewhat closed-minded.
The following tangent will be one of the rare occasions that I make any reference to Politics or the Government:
One of the termoils of the day is the failing economy. I feel safe to say that most everyone is outraged by this development and I have heard a few blaim the government. I found this to be increadibly ironic. Don't the people elect the officials who they feel will represent them the best? Stop complaining and get more invloved with the legistlatures closer to you in the state. I also think that the President gets to much credit for all that happens during his jurisdiction. The President often times inherits the previous President's successes or failures. Any new programs started by a president will often times not show its true colors until a few years later. The power held by the Federal government and the President was surely not what the Founding Fathers had intended. Where have the State powers gone? It seems to me that the Constitution is turning more into a symbol than a ruling document. Let the changes made in the government be made into an amendment first.
Now that that's out of my system, I can answer what I want this blog to accomplish. The simple reply would be: I really don't care. This is my blog and I can write about whatever I so choose. However, I do hope that it will lead to various enlightenment about different subjects. I decided (for now) not to let anyone near me know of this. I don't think I could truley write what I think or do without facing uncomfortable conversations. I choose to write to the unknown reader who, vice versa, doesn't know me.
The following tangent will be one of the rare occasions that I make any reference to Politics or the Government:
One of the termoils of the day is the failing economy. I feel safe to say that most everyone is outraged by this development and I have heard a few blaim the government. I found this to be increadibly ironic. Don't the people elect the officials who they feel will represent them the best? Stop complaining and get more invloved with the legistlatures closer to you in the state. I also think that the President gets to much credit for all that happens during his jurisdiction. The President often times inherits the previous President's successes or failures. Any new programs started by a president will often times not show its true colors until a few years later. The power held by the Federal government and the President was surely not what the Founding Fathers had intended. Where have the State powers gone? It seems to me that the Constitution is turning more into a symbol than a ruling document. Let the changes made in the government be made into an amendment first.
Now that that's out of my system, I can answer what I want this blog to accomplish. The simple reply would be: I really don't care. This is my blog and I can write about whatever I so choose. However, I do hope that it will lead to various enlightenment about different subjects. I decided (for now) not to let anyone near me know of this. I don't think I could truley write what I think or do without facing uncomfortable conversations. I choose to write to the unknown reader who, vice versa, doesn't know me.
The Creation
Emily once told me that I should start my own blog and I decided to do it! How very exciting. I'm fairly sure that I'll go through phases. I'll start off writing every single day then slowly progress to not writing at all. But till that point, I progress.
I don't think anyone knows how much thought I put into things like this. For example, coming up with a name for the blog was extremely taxing. Jess (my roomate) suggested My Life which I found to be slightly unoriginal. I thought of A Day And A life, but decided that was even worse. My next idea was For Better or For Worse, but Jess pointed out that it sounded like marriage. Therefore, I started googling famous lines in literature which led me to "It was the worst of times, it was the best of times". That didn't really work because a) I don't consider myself to be in the worst of times b) I was afraid of copy write laws and c) it was too cheasy. That's when I hit upon The Inner Workings! Doesn't it send chills up your spine? It's like naming a book. I debated somewhat of The Intrinsic Workings, but then decided that I have difficulty pronouncing the word.
Then I had to worry about the background! It took quite some time, let me tell you. I wanted it to be simple yet beautiful. Decorated, but not to decorated to detract from the blogs. I'm still not sure how I like it, but it will do for now.
I don't think anyone knows how much thought I put into things like this. For example, coming up with a name for the blog was extremely taxing. Jess (my roomate) suggested My Life which I found to be slightly unoriginal. I thought of A Day And A life, but decided that was even worse. My next idea was For Better or For Worse, but Jess pointed out that it sounded like marriage. Therefore, I started googling famous lines in literature which led me to "It was the worst of times, it was the best of times". That didn't really work because a) I don't consider myself to be in the worst of times b) I was afraid of copy write laws and c) it was too cheasy. That's when I hit upon The Inner Workings! Doesn't it send chills up your spine? It's like naming a book. I debated somewhat of The Intrinsic Workings, but then decided that I have difficulty pronouncing the word.
Then I had to worry about the background! It took quite some time, let me tell you. I wanted it to be simple yet beautiful. Decorated, but not to decorated to detract from the blogs. I'm still not sure how I like it, but it will do for now.
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