A Wave of Thought

My life has been hectic and it's now finals week. I never thought I would be so excited to go home (AKA Minnesota). I managed to survive my first year at college and away from my parents. That deserves celebration. Because I'm closing a chapter in my life, I feel as though I have been in a reflective mood. I once heard a girl's mind compared to a bowl of spaghetti: one thought leads to another and then another. Therefore, the following thoughts are somewhat scatter brained.

1.) First BYU is a really good school. I like feeling safe. I can literally go up to a completely random stranger and start talking with them without fear. I know exactly what their standards are and basic beliefs--especially helpful with males. (I've had some unfortunate circumstances occur between the opposite sex, some of which led to police involvement.) It's nice to know what guys stand for, for the most part.

I also really appreciate how there is a lack of alcohol or drugs. I'm not sure how many people my age in America really know how to have a fun time without them. It is possible and I love it. I like being in control of my thoughts and body. I feel as though you can interact better with people in your/their right mind and develop more meaningful relationships while having a good time. But hey, that's just me.

2.) Someone recently told me that my religion limits my possibilities, but I say the opposite. It's somewhat of an hourglass shape. I have all these choices and by choosing responsibly I can have so many more choices in the future. I may not choose to be a stripper, but I could be the first female President.

3.) Despite how much I would love to deny it, my friends and I are growing older. Sure, that might sound somewhat funny considering I'm nineteen, but hear me out. We're developing skills in order to support ourselves all around the world. In this summer alone, I will have five of my best girlfriends (ranging from 19-21 years old) getting married. Slightly ridiculous? Oh yes. But I know that they will be happier than they have ever dreamed of. I trust their decisions and their future spouses.

4.) I talked to a guidance councilor the other day. I wanted to discuss possible majors and found it to be somewhat helpful. He kind of slapped me in the face with his bluntness. People say I'm blunt, but he was worse. He basically told me that I might have dreams, but I got to let some of them go. I realized recently that I just don't have the skills necessary for them. But it's hard to deny them when you've been holding on for so long. I wanted to be a doctor. Specifically, I was thinking to major in Neuroscience. However, the day came when I realized I'm just not skillful in that area. Chemistry, sadly enough, kicks my butt. Ironic? A little bit. But that's okay. I have other skills.

I told the man that I loved to write and didn't mind doing research and he got really excited. He started listing off all these majors including creative writing. I would absolutely love to travel and write! I can imagine myself sitting at a cafe next to a beautiful canal in Florence. However, I'm unfortunately too realistic. The odds of making a living off of writing is very slim indeed. At least, when writing creatively. I do think that I'm starting to lean more towards Humanities or even Art History which is a developing passion.

5.) My GPA is not up to par. I have a 3.55 right now and some would say that was great, but I don't. The average at BYU is a 3.75 and I have the happy traits of being a perfectionist, ambitious, and competitive. What this ends up meaning is that I have some major expectations for myself. It really doesn't help that I'm the youngest of seven kids. I compare myself way too much which is just not smart. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I don't consider myself to be a smart person, but I work. Hard. I have no idea how many all-nighters I have pulled this semester alone. I also tend to procrastinate (go figure). Once this semester, I had to study/take two tests and research/write two papers in a little over 30 hours. It was HELL. But, I did it. The frustrating thing is that I worked this semester more than I have ever worked before in my life. It was a good learning experience and I found out how hard I can push myself. However, I'm fairly certain that I will get two or three B's--mostly because of the darn finals. Oh well. I did the best I could do. I just really wanted to raise my GPA so I could slide into a major easier.

6.) Last thing for tonight: I was talking to a friend and she was telling me who she was named after. It was then when I remembered that I was named after 21 others in the family tree--all with the same name. Sadly enough, I didn't know any of them or what they have done. I decided it would be a wise thing to look into. It kind of made me think differently of my behavior. I am representing the 21 other ladies that have gone before me. I hate to be melodramatic, but I don't want to disappoint them or the rest of my family.

In the end, I think I think too much.